The Approach

One person approaches the other. They move into closer physical proximity. This much is clear: NO approach equals NO possibility of initiating contact. You must approach!

Example: A woman sits down next to a man in a coffee shop, or a man stands near a woman in a dance club. This is the first step. Once you approach, you begin looking for the signs.

The Signs

The person who has been approached will always signal the other’s presence in some way…a sign. This signal is not like a train whistle, however, more a subtle body language which you can learn to recognize. For example, he or she simply may look up, move over to make room, nod slightly, or signal with a glancing eye contact.

A display of total obliviousness to the one who is approaching generally indicates lack of interest altogether. Don’t be discouraged. But if the one you approached shows absolutely no interest, then it’s time to re-group and try again. But let’s say the approach works. You have your positive acknowledgement, now what? Time to talk.

The Verbal Exchange

The two people may then engage in a mild verbal exchange about impersonal, unimportant matters such as the weather or the scene around them. The key word here is MILD.

This is the classic place for the clever "line," but cleverness is not required. At this point, a verbal exchange is not for the purpose of sharing valuable insights about life or determining philosophical compatibility. It is just a vehicle to further the developing contact.

Examples: Verbal overtures might include anything from "please pass the pickles" to "your looking great tonight", to "have you seen the waitress?". Without some form of verbal response, it is highly unlikely that the next step will occur. Let’s say all is going as planned. Time for body language.

Body Language

Over a period of time, a couple that has begun to talk may also begin to orient themselves physically to one another, to turn toward one another until, if all is goes well, they are fully facing one another. This is your goal.

This step can take minutes or hours . . . or weeks or months . . . to achieve. Yet, without this physical reorientation toward one another, not very much can ever happen, so give up on people who turn their back toward you for long periods of time! But if they don’t…

Touching

The woman or the man (most often the woman) touches the other in a light, fleeting way. Examples: A couple might accidentally brush their hands against one another while reaching for a drink, or the woman might pat the man on the arm in the middle of a shared joke. The exchange of very subtle, almost glancing touches may continue for some while, and if all goes well, can escalate into the casual affections shown by couples who are dating. If you’ve reached this point, then flirting has now become the beginning of a relationship. The Art of Flirting should always end with the beginning of a relationship. Now get out there and flirt.

The Art of Flirting is really the Art of making first contact. You only have one shot at making a great first impression. By following some of the guidelines we’ve established in this article, you should now be equipped to locate, approach, and ascertain whether or not your subtle flirting has opened the doors to a new and exciting relationship.

Read more articles at SASDating.com

The power of flirting goes beyond attracting the opposite sex. Master the art of flirting and you also become a friend magnet and can use your skills to influence business relationships.

"You’ve either got it or you haven’t!" is often what you will hear men saying when they boast about their conquests. Women, on the other hand, are more coy when talking about a man they have met. So as not to appear full of herself, she will often say to her friends "Oooh, I don’t think he likes me, what do you think?" If she is a successful flirt, however, she will be thinking along the same lines of a man, "Yeah, he was putty in my hands!"

Flirting is an art requiring confidence without being OTT. A successful flirt knows how to get the balance just right; too much and there is a real danger you will be labelled as "slimy" (if you’re a man) and "tarty" (if you’re a woman).

If flirting doesn’t come naturally to you, you can learn to flirt by building your confidence, believing in yourself and interacting with other people.

Here are some basic flirting tips which can be practised at work and/or on a social scene.

1. Have Fun!

First and foremost flirting is fun! Whether you are the flirter or the flirtee it makes both parties smile (on the inside as well as the outside!). Don’t take it seriously; be playful, be light-hearted, be infectious!

2. Ooze Confidence

The best flirts have a positive outlook on life and are happy with themselves. To successfully flirt you need to feel good about yourself before you are able to transmit this "feel good" factor to the opposite sex. If you display a positive and optimistic attitude to life you will find yourself connecting with people who are right for you.

3. Make the first move

Don’t wait for someone to approach you. If it’s someone at work you’ve got your eye on, wait for them to go to the kitchen and then make a beeline for the coffee machine. The same applies in a bar, wait for them to go to the bar and then squeeze in next to them. Start with a simple "Hello" and take things from there. What have you got to lose?

4. Pay a compliment and receive a smile

A genuine compliment costs nothing and yet can make someone feel so special. If someone looks great, tell them! If someone has achieved something to be proud of, tell them! Once you start making someone feel good about themselves, they are more likely to want to spend more time with you! And if someone pays you a compliment, be proud of the compliment and say "Thank you"!

5. Eye to Eye Contact

Eye contact is one of our most powerful communicating mechanisms. Most people don’t have a problem making eye contact with someone they don’t find attractive but they become awkward in front of people they are attracted to. If you tend to look away at people you like, practice making eye contact with people on your way to work, a quick glance and then turn away. This is a good way to build up your confidence. Don’t stare, however, this will make people feel uncomfortable!

6. Pitch your voice

Learn to vary the tone, pitch and speed of your voice. A voice rich in tones sounds far more interesting than one dull note!

7. Listen

A good flirt has the ability to get people to open up and talk about themselves. Pay attention when someone is talking to you and ask questions to show you are interested. The best questions are the ones which will lead to someone remembering a positive experience about themselves.

8. Move your body!

There are many positive body language signs: lingering eye contact, smiling widely, touching someone, head tilting to one side, running fingers through hair, undivided attention but if you really want to let go and flirt openly — dance! Dancing is a great form of self-expression allowing you to interact with someone and connect.

9. Smile, Smile, Smile!

Make your smile contagious! The more you smile the more people will want to know you and be around you!

10. Don’t be rude!

Flirting does not involve being sexually explicit! Nor does it involve being offensive if someone rejects your advances. If you have been flirting with someone and are not receiving positive feedback don’t get disheartened or take it personally, move on to the next person! You may want to consider a different approach if you are getting a lot of rejections.

11. Send an email

Emails are a great way to communicate with someone if you’re too shy to approach them face to face. Whether it’s someone you are interested in at work or you want to try internet dating, emails and instant messaging allow you to flirt without blushing or getting tongue-tied.

Be careful not to become intimate online too quickly though; it’s easy to paint a rosy picture of the person behind the monitor but until you have met them you don’t really know them. My message here is get to know someone online before arranging a date, but don’t fall in love before meeting them! The reality could burst the bubble!

Hopefully you’ve got the idea now so the next time you’re online, in the supermarket, in a night club or at work and someone catches your eye, flirt with them!

About the Author

Alison Edwards writes articles for http://www.SnappyDates.com a UK based dating site. SnappyDates.com is an active community where people of all ages meet looking for a relationship, friendship and even marriage!

Quite simply, flirting’s our way of letting the opposite sex know that we’re available. What it says we’re available for depends entirely on how we flirt but for the sake of this article, I’ll concentrate on the flirting that’s done when you’re with somebody you might like to develop a committed relationship with.

If you’re a bit on the shy side, perhaps lacking in self confidence after being away from the singles scene for a long time, flirting can be quite a daunting task. It isn’t difficult. It’s like everything else; practice makes perfect so if you want to be a successful flirt on the serious dating scene, you need to start sticking your toes back in the water before you dive in after the big fish. Find a few fellas who you think are nice but are unlikely to bump into at the local post-office or your regular watering hole and practice your flirting skills on them. If you get it wrong the most you’ll lose is the time you spent flirting but you’ll have learned a lot. When you start to feel confident, that’s the time to home in on the guy of your dreams and show him what you’re made of.

Smile

Picture the scene. You’re sitting at a pavement cafe on a warm, sunny day. A reasonably nice looking guy walks past, glances in your direction but looks as miserable as sin. Five minutes later another reasonably nice looking guy walks past. This one looks across as you and smiles. Which of them would you most likely want to get to know better? My bet’s that you’d go with the second guy, simply because he smiled.

A smile immediately gives your appearance more warmth so you’ll seem more open and inviting to others.

When he talks, smile in appropriate places. Don’t sit there grinning like a Cheshire cat; at best you’ll appear false, at worse he’ll think you’ve forgotten to take your medication.

A smile shows interest and best of all, it’s contagious.

Eye Contact

Everybody enjoys looking at something they find appealing and you don’t want him to think you don’t fancy him, do you? If you’re shy or insecure about flirting you’ll perhaps find it difficult to hold his gaze for a moment longer than you should but you really MUST look at him when he’s speaking. Looking at everything else will just say "that crack in the pavement’s more interesting to look at than you" and that’s hardly what you want, is it?

If, on the other hand, you’re super confident, don’t go making the reverse mistake and spend the evening staring at him. Men may love to boast to their mates that "she couldn’t take her eyes off me" but in reality, being stared at makes a person feel awkward and embarrassed.

Touch Him

A difficult one, this! Especially if you’re shy. Think back to primary school and that boy who fancied you (or fancied your mate, or whoever). Remember how he used to push you in the corridor or pull your hair in the playground? It’s hardly strange we find it difficult to understand the opposite sex when that’s how they behave when they fancy us but it was all about having the opportunity to touch us.

Now that we’re older we have to find other ways of touching one another without appearing to be too intimate. Dancing’s a good solution, as is touching his arm or knee when laughing together. Losing your balance slightly whilst walking together so that you have to reach out and balance yourself against him’s another good ploy, as is asking him to help you on with your coat.

Feel Sexy

Dress to feel sexy but remember that sexy isn’t about showing it all. In fact, it isn’t necessarily about showing anything! The way the fabric feels against your skin, heels and wearing your frillies underneath your dress can all make a woman feel sexy without looking cheap. The really good news though, is when a woman feels sexy she’ll automatically appear sexy to the opposite sex.

Show Interest

Sounds pretty obvious doesn’t it, but sometimes it’s easy to think we’re showing interest even though the signals are actually saying something else. Showing interest is a mix of all what’s gone before; not looking at the floor instead of at him, touching him when you have the chance, looking him in the eye and smiling, but above all, it’s about listening to what he’s saying and asking questions. If you were interesting in buying a house, I’m should you’d listen keenly to what the owner or estate agent had to say and ask plenty of questions, wouldn’t you? Do the same when you’re interested in a man! After all, how important’s a house compared with a loving, supportive life partner?

Appreciate Your Date

Whether you’ve had lunch, taken a walk around the park or spent an evening together, thank him for it and tell him how much you’ve enjoyed it. Don’t go OTT; just say you’ve had a lovely time and that he’s been good company.

Whatever you do, don’t leave the date without letting him know that you’re available for another. By saying nothing you’re likely to leave him believing that you don’t want to see him again. At the very least, you’d leave him feeling confused and if his self-confidence isn’t right up there next to the likes of Mick Jagger and Peter Stringfellow, he’s hardly likely to call again. Saying something like "give me a call if you fancy doing it again" will open the way for him to make further contact. Playing hard to get rarely works.

Now it’s up to you to get out there and start practising your flirting skills. It may seem like a daunting task right now but believe me, it won’t be long before flirting becomes second nature and you’ll be wondering what the fuss was all about.

Have fun.

About the Author

Sharon Jacobsen is founder/administrator of FriendsYourWay.co.uk (www.friendsyourway.co.uk), a web service designed to help women meet other women for platonic friendships in their local area of the UK.

Having grown up in East London, Sharon moved to Norway at the age of 19, where she remained until 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her partner and two of her three children. Contact Sharon on: s.jacobsen@friendsyourway.co.uk

The Approach

One person approaches the other. They move into closer physical proximity. This much is clear: NO approach equals NO possibility of initiating contact. You must approach!

Example: A woman sits down next to a man in a coffee shop, or a man stands near a woman in a dance club. This is the first step. Once you approach, you begin looking for the signs.

The Signs

The person who has been approached will always signal the other’s presence in some way…a sign. This signal is not like a train whistle, however, more a subtle body language which you can learn to recognize. For example, he or she simply may look up, move over to make room, nod slightly, or signal with a glancing eye contact. A display of total obliviousness to the one who is approaching generally indicates lack of interest altogether. Don’t be discouraged. But if the one you approached shows absolutely no interest, then it’s time to re-group and try again. But let’s say the approach works. You have your positive acknowledgement, now what? Time to talk.

The Verbal Exchange

The two people may then engage in a mild verbal exchange about impersonal, unimportant matters such as the weather or the scene around them. The key word here is MILD. This is the classic place for the clever "line," but cleverness is not required. At this point, a verbal exchange is not for the purpose of sharing valuable insights about life or determining philosophical compatibility. It is just a vehicle to further the developing contact. Examples: Verbal overtures might include anything from "please pass the pickles" to "your looking great tonight", to "have you seen the waitress?". Without some form of verbal response, it is highly unlikely that the next step will occur. Let’s say all is going as planned. Time for body language.

Body Language

Over a period of time, a couple that has begun to talk may also begin to orient themselves physically to one another, to turn toward one another until, if all is goes well, they are fully facing one another. This is your goal. This step can take minutes or hours . . . or weeks or months . . . to achieve. Yet, without this physical reorientation toward one another, not very much can ever happen, so give up on people who turn their back toward you for long periods of time! But if they don’t…

Touching

The woman or the man (most often the woman) touches the other in a light, fleeting way. Examples: A couple might accidentally brush their hands against one another while reaching for a drink, or the woman might pat the man on the arm in the middle of a shared joke. The exchange of very subtle, almost glancing touches may continue for some while, and if all goes well, can escalate into the casual affections shown by couples who are dating. If you’ve reached this point, then flirting has now become the beginning of a relationship. The Art of Flirting should always end with the beginning of a relationship. Now get out there and flirt. The Art of Flirting is really the art of making first contact. You only have one shot at making a great first impression. By following some of the guidelines we’ve established in this article, you should now be equipped to locate, approach, and ascertain whether or not your subtle flirting has opened the doors to a new and exciting relationship.

About the Author

Joe Vetromile writes for DrDating — a web site for anyone looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles, E-Books and links to some great dating and love sites all over the world. DrDating also offers reviews of some of the most popular dating sites and books.

After hundreds of hours in bars, pubs and nightclubs–watching thousands of singles in action–I’ve unlocked the little-known secrets of finding romance at your favorite watering hole. In fact, my research was so successful, that I’m now able to walk into any bar, and within minutes, I can tell who is going to get lucky … and who is going home empty handed. Because let’s face it, there’s nothing better than the intoxicating butterflies that flutter in your stomach when your new love interest gives you that "morning after" phone call.

Catching those butterflies isn’t as hard as it seems. Whether you’re trying to enhance your dating life or meet the sweetheart of your dreams, there’s an art to scoring big at a bar. And believe it or not, you don’t have to be ravishingly beautiful to get lucky. You just need to know how to play the game so you come out ahead.

Yes, you read that right. Dating is a game. Just like chess, scoring big in a bar takes a winning strategy. Here’s an easy eight-step process that’ll help you score big in the love department. Because let’s face it, if you want the Monarch’s to be dancing in your belly tomorrow morning, you need to learn how to play the dating game pronto, before someone else beats you to the prize.

1. Look Your Best. If you think about it, singles bars are called "meat markets" for a reason. You’re the "meat" and you have to display your wares to make "shoppers" want to buy. Grunge might be comfortable, but after age 25, the frumpy look won’t get you to first base.

Men, wearing a sports coat will give you a competitive advantage. Why? Because women like men who look successful and confident. By sporting a classier look than your brethren, you’ll come out on top. Women, I have three words for you: show some skin. Don’t even think about wearing a turtleneck to a bar.

Let’s face it, after 30, very few of us have the hard-bodied figures we once did, but that doesn’t mean you need to hide your assets. Even if you’re a little plump, it’s better to show your skin than to hide behind a bolt of frumpy fabric.

2. Limit Your Alcohol. Although a drink or two can lower your inhibitions, drinking too much will send the wrong impression. And falling off the barstool is a definite no-no. If you tend to drink more when you’re nervous, try alternating between your favorite drink and a club soda with lime. No one has to know that there’s nothing stronger than carbonation in your drink!

3. Exude Confidence. Self-confidence is crucial if you want to be lucky in love. If you have a swagger in your walk, and a cocky tilt to your chin, your Rolodex will bulge with prospects. So how do you exude confidence when you’re trembling inside?

There are two strategies that work well. First, fake it ’til you make it! Yes, that’s right, just pretend to have confidence, and amazingly, others will perceive you as self-confident. And then pretty soon, that confidence will be real.

Second, deal from strength. After all, you’re probably the best at something. Maybe you’re the smartest person in the room. Or maybe you know you can beat just about anyone at Backgammon. Or maybe you can solve complicated algorithms in your head. Maybe you’re a true native in a town of transplants. Whatever you’re good at, borrow that confidence, and when you walk into a bar, hold your head high knowing there’s no one else quite like you.

4. Cross the Great Divide. Amazingly, I see both men and women who go to a bar or singles party in the hopes of meeting someone new, but then they spend the entire evening either by themselves or talking to the same-sex person they came with.

Newsflash: if you go to the trouble of being showered, shaved and cologned, you might as well take action. An important step in meeting someone new is actually saying hello. Instead of thinking, "I wish that person would come up and talk to me," take the initiative and be the one who breaks the ice.

Something as simple as a smile and a hello will work just fine. Just let your feet do the walking, and break that invisible barrier between you and the person you want to meet. After all, you can’t meet someone new if you don’t even try. Just keep in mind that dating is a numbers game, and you may need to chat with more than one person before you make a love connection.

5. Be Friendly. A sparkling personality is worth its weight in–well–drinks. If you’re naturally effervescent, keep it up, and it won’t be long before love finds you. If you’re not, it just takes a bit more work.

It helps to look good and feel great. Then keep a smile on your face and focus on other people. One key to being a great conversationalist is to ask interesting questions. Things like, "What do you do for a living?" And "Where are you from?" will spark other questions or things you have in common.

Another way to score points in the friendly category is to be up on current events. This doesn’t mean you have to be a news junkie, but it helps to be abreast of current topics. With 24-hour news stations and breaking news on the Internet, it shouldn’t take long to become well-versed in the topics du jour. Oh, one note of caution: unless someone’s political affiliation is a deal-breaker for you, stay away from politics and religion.

6. Men, Whip Out Your Wallet. "Can I buy you a drink?" is a sure sign of interest. Being too cheap to ask will get you a cold shoulder, followed by a cold shower … alone.

This is where you need to walk a fine line. There are certainly women out there who want free drinks–and nothing else. So how can you tell the difference between a woman who is using you to get free drinks, and someone who is really interested?

By reading her body language. Is she looking directly at you, with dilated pupils and unblinking eyes, or is she looking somewhere else? Is she leaning into you, or is she pulling away from you? (For the entire scoop on body language, see Chapter 3 in Dating 101.)

If her body language is positive, ask her if she’d like something to drink. Then, while you’re sharing your first drink together, exchange business cards. If she doesn’t have a card (or doesn’t want to give you one), ask for a way to contact her. If she’s hesitant to give an email address or cell phone number, chances are good that she has no intention of seeing you again, so put your wallet away and move on.

If she readily gives you a way to contact her, you’ll score more points by being generous than by being frugal. And if you really want to score big, offer to call her a cab at the end of the evening, just to make sure she gets home okay.

7. Be Honest. If you’re not interested in someone, it’s better to make a graceful exit that to waste that person’s time. Something as simple as, "I’ve enjoyed talking to you, but it’s time for me to go mingle," lets the other person know that there you’re not seeing stars.

Honesty is always the best policy, because if you say you’re going to the bathroom and then never come back, you might end up with a stalker on your hands. If you’re the person being dumped, be gracious about it. Just because someone’s not interested in you right now, doesn’t mean things won’t change at some point in the future.

Because most of us tend to frequent the same places, chances are good that you may see that person again. Keep in mind that if you get angry and say something mean, you’ll never make it past "hello" next time, so it pays to be nice.

8. Have Fun. Instead of putting unnecessary pressure on your big night out, give yourself a break. After all, tonight is only one night out of your life. Instead of having unrealistic expectations, grab a same-sex friend, and plan on having a good time. Without the pressure of having to find someone in five hours or less, you’re more likely to enjoy yourself.

Plus, when you’re laughing, talking and smiling, you’re more approachable than when you’re nervous or tense. After all, wouldn’t you rather chat with someone who’s laughing than someone who’s sitting in the corner alone, looking desperate and lonely?

Now that you know the eight easy steps to scoring big in a bar, get out there and do it. The first step toward winning the game is actually going out there and playing it. And just like any other game, this one takes practice. So if you don’t meet someone tonight, remember this … there’s always tomorrow!

About the Author

Melissa Darnay is a dating coach, a matchmaker, and a relationship humorist. For more information about Melissa or her latest book, "Dating 101: The Instant Cure for Romance Blues," go to www.CupidsGuide.com.
Cupid@CupidsGuide.com