One of the greatest advantages of dating online is that we’ve already had the chance to chat before we’ve met face-to-face. We already have an idea what interests this person and maybe what they’ve done with their lives.

However online dating can also have the affect of giving a false impression of someone we have just met online, as often times a real life date turns out to be much different than first perceived online.

Appearing shy on a first date is one of the hurdles we need to overcome to have first date success. Chatting online gives us a huge advantage for you to be able to prepare your offline conversation by taking notes based on your online chats.

It’s hard enough getting to know someone first up, so arrange your first date somewhere more interesting than the standard dinner and movie typical date. Go for a picnic by the river, allow nature to help you bond and overcome your shyness in peaceful surroundings.

Don’t make the mistake of picking a first date venue that doesn’t offer an interesting or stimulating environment. A busy cafe on the main road hardly presents the opportunity for you to make that vital first impression.

The art of conversing is a two-way street. If you see your date has stalled in the chatting game, then it’s time to take over the driving. Ask them questions about themselves and be interested in the answers. Use what you already know about them from when you first met in the singles chat room.

Be forthcoming with who you are as a person, we all love when someone opens up to us, especially on a date when we are trying our best to assess the other persons characteristics – make it easy for your date, show them who you really are.

It’s always wise to restrain yourself from being too opinionated about touchy subjects such as religion or race issues. Show your date your easy going and open minded self before you blast them with your pent up views about what’s wrong with the world.

Ask your date what he or she thinks about what you have to say, make them participate in the conversation, but don’t make the conversation all about you.

The very purpose of going on a date is to see what makes the other person tick. So by offering each other your experiences in a fun and light hearted way, sets the scene for stimulation conversation and builds interest. Talk about travel, adventures you’ve been on or about the time you went ski diving or skiing in Canada and do try to avoid talking about your EX!

About the Author

While dating leads to love and marriage, dating is also a land ripe for rejection! Who hasn’t heard, and said, “You’re a great person, but…” One thing I know. If you’re out there taking chances, meeting new people and dating, you’re going to suffer rejection. The good news is rejection isn’t fatal! It just isn’t pleasant.

The truth is, the more chances we take in trying to find lasting love, the more we open ourselves up to the pain of rejection. But, as Radames sings in Aida, “Fortune favors the bold!” I’ve yet to meet anyone who sat at home, did nothing and had Prince Charming magically appear at her door. The bottom line is if you desire to find a life partner and enjoy the intimacy of lasting love, you must risk rejection.

My observation is that when rejection comes our way, we have the following choices:

1) Shutoff our hopes, dreams and feelings. Many singles make this devastating decision in an attempt to stop the pain. I understand why– rejection feels terrible and appears to confirm our deepest fears as it whispers we’re unlovable, inadequate, unworthy or simply not good enough! The problem with shutting off our hopes, dreams and feelings is that it limits our actions and ability to live and love. Furthermore, shutting off our hopes, dreams and feelings can lead to depression, which further hinds our desirability and our willingness to get back into the game when a relationship doesn’t work out. In short this decision prevents us from growing, achieving and eventually acquiring the relationship we desire and deserve!

2) Learn from it. Sometimes rejection occurs for a valid reason. Healthy individuals search to see if changes are in order and act accordingly. Perhaps you’re a bit boorish and dominate conversations. If this is true, learn ask interesting questions of others and listen to their responses! Maybe you disclose way too much information, way too soon. If so, let your love interest get to know you before you air out all your dirty laundry. Maybe you’re a couch potato, possessive, controlling or domineering… With work, you can change those patterns! The bottom line is, if there’s something you’re doing that’s pushing a potential partner away, fix it! We humans are incredibly bright and have the ability to learn and grow from every experience as long as we don’t choose bitterness, blame and anger as our response.

3) Recognize that rejection isn’t always about you! Others approach the world from their own needs and brokenness–maybe their mom dropped them on their head. Perhaps they’ve had bad experiences in the past and aren’t willing to risk letting another individual in. Who knows, you may even look like their second grade teacher! Or, just maybe, someone else is a better fit. If that’s the case, move on and value yourself highly enough to believe that you’re going to be a better fit for someone else. The truth of the matter is that regardless of how terrible rejection feels, it isn’t always personal!

4) Choose to view it as protection. Looking back on my life, I clearly see God’s hand of protection through many of the rejections I’ve experienced, relationships that had they progressed further would have been detrimental. I was convinced of what I wanted and had to have, but my radar was faulty and I continued to date emotionally unavailable men. I am so thankful for the bullets I’ve dodged that I could only see once a relationship had ended. With a little bit of practice it’s easy to learn to recognize and appreciate failed relationships that wouldn’t have been satisfying, mutual or healthy!

5) See it as a blessing! Beyond greater pain and potential disaster being adverted, in the long run I’ve often received something far better than what I would have happily settled for. Like in Garth Brooks’ “Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers…” A rejection from someone good, opens up room in your life for someone better!

While we can’t control rejection, the choice to learn, grow and move forward is always ours. If you’ve closed your heart, ask God to heal it. Find a good counselor if you can’t get over things on your own. I personally owe a great deal to counselors-it’s amazing how helpful a well-trained, objective third party can be! If you want to attract a confident, healthy partner, you need to be a confident, healthy person in your own right.

Ultimately, each of us is responsible for growing and for taking the steps and risks to achieve our dreams. Great relationships don’t magically happen! If you want to meet Prince Charming, you can’t spend your life in front of your television. Learning to view rejection as a friend, protector and teacher will enable you to pick yourself up, because someone out there is a better fit! Move confidently in the direction of your dream relationship and always remember that rejection isn’t fatal. Ultimately, it all boils down to, “to the riskers go the spoils.”

About the Author

Sherene McHenry runs a company called Fully Engaged and works with individuals and organizations who want their members to develop healthy relationships and life life to the fullest. To view a clip of Sherene speaking go to: http://www.youtube.com/user/McHenryIntl.

For additional information on Sherene and the resources she offers go to http://www.sherenemchenry.com.

• He used to call every morning, noon and evening, and lately he’s even missed a day.
• It’s been fine with the two of you, but he still hasn’t introduced you to pertinent family and friends.
• Suddenly there’s some sort of work-crisis that limits talking during the day.
• He says someone else in his family or circle of friends needs attention, like a brother or adult child.
• He suddenly says he’s going nuts and needs a vacation, and takes off on his own.

In many of these cases another woman isn’t involved, so it’s puzzling. You know he cares a lot about you, and things were going according to a predictable trajectory, and all of a sudden it’s changed.

So you schedule the "we need to talk time," and what you get is, "Have patience. I’m working things out. I want you in my life but ."

So what do you do?

Well, you’re going to have to use your intuition. It’s typical that many men will forge into a new relationship when they aren’t ready. They haven’t ended an old one, either literally, or figuratively. They may need to file a divorce, and/or to finish some emotional healing.

A new love affair is the best antidote on earth for emotional pain, but it’s beneficial to the sufferer, not to you. You’re in it for real. Is he just numbing himself against the old pain, and taking advantage of the wonderful feel-good chemicals of love?

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you; let’s get that straight. But it may mean he simply isn’t available. He may have jumped in with both feet and then turned and realized he was in over his head when he had no business being there at all.

The male brain is hard-wired for certain things which you can’t ignore. It’s like asking the sun not to set. One of them is that they don’t enjoy emotions, like women do; they are driven to release them. This means when they’re feeling something, they want to act on it.

Another is the need to then defend actions taken too hastily.

Putting the two together, you may have gotten involved with a man who was suffering from a painful divorce or breakup and felt compelled to do something that would make him feel better, i.e., find a new woman and get some loving; a man who found you very attractive (which you are) and felt compelled to do something about it, i.e., start a romance with you; and a man who then realized he was in over his head and felt compelled to justify it and also buy time, i.e., tell you he loves you (which he does) and that you must BE PATIENT.

So what do you do?

1. State what you want, clearly and distinctly. Men aren’t good at picking up subtleties. No sarcasm, no joking, no suppositions, no hints, no innuendos, no beating around the bush. Just say what you want . with HIM.

2. No insults. Being judgmental and angry removes you from being able to think, and also from being able to move from a heart-place. You love the guy or you wouldn’t be there.You played your part in this, so no need to blame either of you. Just time to clean up the communal act.

3. State how you feel about him. Not about what he "did," but how you feel about him as a person. Why you love him. If you’re an extravert, you’ll discover as you’re talking to him how you feel. If you’re an introvert, you will have figured this out before you sat down for the talk.

4. Listen to him and hear him out. He may have a long "to-do" list. One of my clients (to put the shoe on the other foot) is loves his new girl-friend, but the divorce is still pending, he’s having some health problems, his business is precarious, and he knows he hasn’t completely healed from the breakup with his wife. "I should never have gotten involved when I had such a mess on my hands," he tells me.

5. Understand that at midlife, we step into the current of another person’s life. They will have work in process, grown children, grandchildren, a circle of friends, a house, and a history. Baggage – good and bad, material and emotional. Not just him, all of us.

6. When you get "be patient," take a break. Don’t explain, just do it. Do NOT pursue him. If he calls, listen. Don’t make any suggestions, don’t pressure him, and don’t whine.

7. Do NOT do his work for him. If you do, you’re sewing yourself into a bag. Unless he does the work, he won’t be present for what’s going on and if you DO end up together, you’ll get a lot less from him because that’s what you’ve taught him. He’ll take what you’re freely giving, but will see it as his right and just dessert, and not part of the give-and-take of a growing relationship when one of the parties was vulnerable. He’s got to be able to give as well as receive.

8. Get back to your life. Likely there are things you set aside in the blush of a new romance. Get back to them. Start a new hobby or take up a new one; take your professional or personal goals to the next level; get interested in learning something new; get back with friends.

9. Don’t blame yourself for poor judgment. At midlife you’re not going to find a guy who isn’t in the middle of something. It’s a matter of their emotional intelligence, and ability to move forward in their life and keep all the balls in the air.

It’s some guys’ style to be contemplative and get their ducks in order before they make a big change or commitment. This is the kind of guy you want for a life partner, so it can pay off to be patient. He may have been taken by you, and so moved ahead (to discharge the emotion), but he know she needs to finish some old business.

It’s also some guys’ style to be commitment-phobic. It’s their pattern to give a girl the bum’s rush and then, when it starts getting "serious," to start finding fault with her and making excuses.

How do you know the difference? Only with time and some thought. What’s his past history? Was he a bachelor for a long time? Does he appear to be a serial monogamist? Was he unfaithful to former spouses, or flighty in career choices? Is he able to talk about how he feels, and when he does, does it make sense? ("I think you’re sexy" is not a feeling!) If he’s in a profession requiring much education (like a college professor or a doctor), he’s more used to working toward long goals than, say, someone in business.

Be sure and check these things out when you’re dating so when you hit a bump in the road you have some idea what to do next.

About the Author

©Susan Dunn, MA, Relationship & EQ Coach,

http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and e-books for your personal and professional development Susan is the author of "Midlife Dating Survival Manual" for women. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information and free e-zine.

I also believe there is a very obvious way that God shows you what could be a good relationship or bad relationship with a man or a woman and by getting a better grasp on this you have a good chance of avoiding unnecessary trouble and pain.

By now you may be asking yourself what way is that?

And I have a very simple answer: friendship.

But let’s talk about courtship for a minute.

You may hear the word "courtship" and think I’m talking about something people haven’t done in decades.

Or you may hear the word "courtship" and simply say, "Oh you mean dating."

They are sometimes used interchangeably.

But I will make an attempt to define the difference between the two by defining them as most people define each word.

What is courtship?

Courtship is just an evolved meaning of the word friendship. It’s a friendship between a man and a woman that could have the possibility thereof. That is my definition of what I like to call contemporary courtship.

There is another type of courtship that most of us know of as traditional courtship.

But right now let’s talk about contemporary courtship.

When I mentioned contemporary courtship I defined it as "a friendship between a man and a woman that could have the possibility thereof."

You may be asking yourself what does the phrase "the possibility thereof" mean?

It means there’s a chance that the friendship could evolve into a relationship. That both parties are open and receptive to the possibility that it could become something more.

The reason behind why God would prefer us to court rather than date is quite simple.

So we can avoid 90% of the mess we get ourselves into like when we date someone.

Before I go on to explain, let me define dating.

What is dating?

A basic understanding of dating is one spending time with another with the hope of being in a relationship with that person.

Sounds similar to the definition of courtship doesn’t it?

But there are differences.

The differences are actually very discreet to some degree. If you don’t pay attention to them you may not notice the difference.

But these differences are the reasons behind why God would prefer us to court rather than date:

Dating means being more than friends and then discovering whether or not the relationship will work out.

Contemporary courtship means being friends and then discovering that a relationship is blossoming from that friendship. So what is the difference? BEFORE and AFTER.

When you date you discover a lot of the essential information after you’ve put yourself into that relationship.

When you court you discover a lot of the essential information before you put yourself into that relationship. But that’s just a small portion of the differences. Let’s look at some other defining differences between dating and contemporary courtship.

Dating – other notable differences are:

(1) One who dates may not have the intentions of ever getting married.

(2) It puts physical attraction first and then the spiritual attributes are forced to follow.

(3) One seeks out a partner without God’s consent.

(4) It is a sequence of steps that are out of order.

(5) It applies force.

(6) It (often) works through the emotion of lust.

Since a lot of important qualities in an individual are not often found out until it’s too late, one or both parties end up going through bad experiences that could have been avoided.

Courting – other notable differences are:

(1) One who courts has the intentions of getting married.

(2) It puts the spiritual attributes first and then the physical attraction follows naturally.

(3) One allows God to (help them) seek out their partner.

(4) It is in a sequence of steps that are in logical order.

(5) It does not apply force.

(6) It works through the emotion of love.

Traditional Courtship

Traditional courtship, aka "wooing." Traditional courtship is when a man seeks out the affections of a woman for the intentions of marriage.

What is the difference between dating and traditional courtship?

Purpose Faith Measure Longevity Intentions

Purpose: The pursuer has marriage in mind and has no intentions of desecrating the person he is courting by becoming intimate before marriage. One who courts considers sex as a gift of marriage and does not make it a lifestyle to do this with anyone he does not plan to marry.

Faith: He allows God to lead him to the right woman (or vice versa). He would not make a habit of seeking her out without God’s leadership.

Measure: Those who date usually date on a recurring basis. Those who court do not court on a recurring basis. By that I mean that it is not a lifestyle for the pursuer. It would most likely not happen more than three times during his lifetime. And if it happened more than once it would most likely be that the woman he was pursuing fell in love with another, died, etc.

Longevity: Dating births many temporary relationships. There is a question of whether the relationship will last when dating is involved. There is no staying power–each person has habit of giving up on each other very easily. Courtship births permanent relationships. There is little to no questioning involved and both partners usually have the full certainty (and concentration) that they will be (or will stay) together until death separates them. Courting does not provide the worries that dating provides. Each person is in it for the long hull.

Intentions: The seriousness and reasons behind the pursuer’s wooing–as said before, a lot of people who date have no intention of ever marrying. And those who do have the intentions of marrying have the displeasure of getting involved with those who want to "play." But those who court have every intention of marrying. Courting’s main purpose is to find one’s God-given partner and marry her. Contemporary Courtship Both individuals begin as friends just like any other male-male friendship or female-female friendship. Contemporary courting is not defined as courting until the friendship evolves into a relationship. Then and only then does it blossom until its full definition.

To clarify, you will not know you were in a courtship until the two of you discover you want to be more than friends. If you become nothing more than friends then it is and always will be just a friendship.

The beauty behind contemporary courtship is simply doing nothing at all. Just let God handle your friendship.

How do you do that?

The same way you handle a same-sex friendship. By being your true self and enjoying each other’s time as friends. It will become something more if it’s meant to be. If not, then you have a wonderful friend for life. Or that person will eventually leave your life if they are after something else less honorable.

The understanding behind a contemporary courtship is that you are both interested in finding someone, BUT you realize that each other may not be that person.

There’s a very mentionable difference between dating and contemporary courtship. And that is "the unspoken language."

What is "the unspoken language?"

The act of not bringing forceful, premature relationship-elements into the male-female friendship.

What is a premature "relationship-element"?

A premature relationship-element is flirting or making sexual advances toward one another and toward love as if love didn’t have its own natural timing.

Ever been in a chat room? All you have to do is simply enter into a chat room and what I mean will be as obvious as the sun in the sky:

"23/f/ blonde hair, blue eyes, great body looking for hot stud and a passionate romance."

Sound familiar?

This person is already jumping past five chapters of "the right way to meet my soul mate."

Dating is very similar to that. Two people meet and they barely know one another’s first and last names before they try jumping into a relationship with one another. Six months later they break up and wonder why.

People who court know the right way to go about it. They are patient and far more relaxed.

They have trust that everything will works itself out in time.

Those who date, on the other hand, are usually in a hurry and are always rushing to beat the invisible time clock.

Patience and "the unspoken language" are one of the best things you can have when you want a partner for life.

I believe during today’s time the contemporary version of courtship is far more suitable for everyone.

Simply because men rarely court women for honorable intentions anymore so it would be a rare case in which the traditional methods of courtship were of use.

Although the traditional courtship offers most of the same benefits there are several reasons why I like contemporary courtship best. Here’s why…

Courtship allows for sex to be taken out of the equation. We all know sex causes a lot of problems and that there are people out there specifically interested in you ONLY for sex. If you get rid of sex you get rid of people who are only interested in sex.

Courtship keeps out relationship elements. This is really a little more detail to the first comment but with a different angle. When you date your objective is to know what you have in common with the other person. But when you court that information comes naturally without any risks involved. A lot of people who date still do not find out who they are with until they are married to them. And usually that specifically has to do with how the relationship was formed to begin with. People who date do not form a friendship during their dating process…

Courtship offers you a chance to become best friends with the one God partners you up with. A large part of a marriage is based on friendship. Great marriages equal male-female best friends. It is hard for a marriage to stand strong against the test of time and life if friendship is not a part of it. And to top that… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people from great relationships say,

"He’s like the male version of me." "He’s my best friend." "I feel like I always knew him." Courtship is just another way of God trying to tell you not to act prematurely.

For very good reasons.

If you go about it in the proper order He knows that you stand a great chance of seeing the entire situation objectively. And you get a chance to really get to know each other. Chances you don’t get when you jump in too quickly.

He just wants to keep you from unnecessary suffering. Because a lot of the times it CAN be avoided.

But if you put yourself inside a relationship prematurely, then it’s hard to see whether a relationship is good or bad for you from that angle.

And it’s hard to dodge those curve balls that you could’ve missed if you watched the baseball game instead of deciding to play it.

About the Author

Tameka Norris helps others simplify life’s little complications by revealing the small things that is often overlooked: http://www.simple-living-tips.com/simplify. More articles by Tameka Norris can be found at http://www.valuablecontent.com

1. You can meet anyone anywhere

Its easy for you make new friends around the world. You have the opportunity to meet people in different cities, states or provinces, and even countries.

2. Knowledge of the person

You have the opportunity to get to know someone before you even meet them. Being able to have fun conversations with a person online before you head out on that first date saves you from the date from hell.

3. Sexual orientation

This is a huge advantage for some. It can be very difficult to find a date if you have a more unique sexual orientation.

4. Religion

If your Christian you can find others who share the same beliefs as you do. In today’s society that can be very difficult and the Internet makes it easy.

5. Fun services

Maybe your not looking for a long term relationship and just want some fun. This too is made very easy with online dating services.

6. Web Cam and Chat

Some people just want a little show in front of there computer. With a fast connection to the Internet you can have all this and much more. This could be better then going out to the strippers if this is your type of thing.

7. Single Parents

If your a single parent you will find dating online is much easier. Finding other single parents or people who don’t care that you have children makes things ohhhh so easier for you.

8. Its Cheap

Lets face it online dating services aren’t really that expensive. They provide you with a bunch of quality services and a great community of people for you to meet. All of this is done at a low cost and can be done from your home.

9. Find People with the same Interests

Dating services lets your narrow down your criteria of people to find someone that enjoys the same things you do in life.

10. Find the love of your life

Yes this may seem obvious but you really could meet someone that you spend the rest of your life with.

About the Author

Tyler Casselman reviews online dating services at Online dating home.

Invent a distinctive username:

Your username (nickname) is the first hint at what kind of person you are. It needs to be original and memorable, while somehow summing you up – not easy in a dozen letters or so!

For ideas, think about your interests, background, location and personality. For instance, an outgoing person from Phoenix might choose PhoenixSparkler, an avid skier with a wild streak might be SnowTiger. Humor’s great (I recently spotted MissBehaving) but overly sentimental (LetMeBeTheOne), meaningless (Vyc2DX) or desperate sounding (SoLonelyInOhio) names are a turn off.

Give yourself time: think of a name before sitting down to complete your profile, as well as a couple of backup options. It’s amazing how many "original" names are in use already. Most services spit out alternatives but they’re usually unimaginative and full of numbers.

Write a compelling headline:

Your opening line, or headline, is like the first thing you see on an ad: it should compel people to read on and find out more about you. Don’t be apologetic about being there – "I don’t normally do this sort of thing" – and don’t begin (as thousands do) with "My name’s Bob, I’m 25 and live in Boise." This isn’t compelling. It’s not even interesting. "Born in Boise, Heading for Barbados" is more the thing. It’s intriguing without being confusing, and raises questions: is Bob a traveler, a dreamer or working for an international company? Only one way to find out — read on!

Again, it’s not easy. If you get stuck, a favorite line from a song, book or movie can say lot about you — who you like and/or what you believe in – and stands out to other people who love it too.

Post at least one photo:

For 75% of online daters, the photo is the first thing they look for when browsing through profiles. Not surprisingly, profiles with photos get ten to fifteen times the response of those without. Including a photo is a must! But beware, some photos do more harm than good. Big offenders are photos that show you with someone else, or even worse, part of someone else. (It might not be your ex, or your ex’s body part, but people have no way of knowing.)

If you don’t have a suitable photo, get one taken, and keep it real – glamour shots could come back to haunt you. Think about asking a friend to pick out a photo that they think looks most like you. Make sure people don’t have to squint at the screen to see what you look like, and be sure to smile!

Check the right boxes:

Most profiles have a hefty component of check boxes — age group, sex, and so on. It’s a basic thing but when researching sites I do it a lot myself: check the wrong boxes or forget to change them from a default setting that isn’t right for me. And I’m not alone. Believe it or not, a common mistake among online daters is choosing the wrong sex of their ideal partner. So, take care over these basic but important details.

Check your grammar and spelling:

You might be the most intelligent person on the planet but if you rush your profile and don’t check your spelling and grammar you’re not going to come across well to anyone who values intelligence. You might like to prepare your freestyle entries using a program with spelling and grammar checkers, then paste them into your profile.

Avoid clichés:

Unfortunately, a lot of people say the same thing in the same way as everyone else. It’s boring at best and unbelievable at worst. Can we really believe that so many people "exercise regularly and keep in good shape"? Also, use a thesaurus to replace well-worn words like "good" and "nice" with more interesting, meaningful alternatives that add spice and sparkle to your profile.

Make your meaning clear:

Your spelling and grammar might be perfect but sometimes your words can convey a completely different meaning from what you intended. Give your profile a thorough reading to avoid potentially embarrassing or damaging misinterpretations!

Stick to your own style:

Many online dating profiles include sections where you can express yourself in your own words. It’s a chance to make yourself more human and "real," and other members can pick up lots of interesting information about you — clues they might find appealing – from the way you express yourself. Don’t block the process by suddenly adopting a style and tone that isn’t really you.

Focus on your unique qualities:

It’s our unique qualities that make us attractive – and to some, very attractive! When you have a chance to describe yourself, let these qualities shine. Skip the things that people take for granted (and have in common) and focus on the things that make you, "you."

Perhaps you speak another language, have an unusual skill or interest, or something you feel passionately about. Small things count too. If you change your hair color every other day or have an addiction to triple hot chili sauce, say so. People who share or appreciate your unique qualities will tune right in and they make great conversation starters if they decide to make a move!

Flatter yourself — it’s allowed!:

If you’re good at something or proud of yourself for something, go ahead and blow your own trumpet. Confidence (not to be confused with a raging ego!) is an attractive quality and there are plenty of ways to flatter yourself while sounding modest: "My friends say I’m…" or, "If I had to describe one thing about myself that I like…"

Be honest:

Many people can’t resist the urge to be less than completely honest when writing their online personals profile. Women tend to lie about their appearance and men about their status and physical prowess. There’s really no need. Online dating and personals services have thousands if not millions of members. You’ve got a great chance of meeting someone who’s attracted to the real you, warts and all. Of course, there’s no need to tell your darkest secrets — just keep it real. You’ll be able to pursue relationships without having to worry about all the lies you’ve spun. Honesty is an attractive trait.

Be passionate about your passions:

If you have a hobby or interest that you’re absolutely passionate about, that takes up a lot of your time and energy, go ahead and rave about it. It’s better that people know up front how important it is to you, and fellow fanatics will tune right in!

Be careful with humor:

Humor’s great but a super-dry or tongue-in-cheek sense of humor may not work well in writing. People don’t know you and can’t see the twinkle in your eye. You’ll have ample opportunity to display your brand of wit when you’re communicating one-on-one with other members.

Say it with feeling:

Too many profiles read like a job application with flat phrases like, "I enjoy skiing, cooking and photography" which don’t really tell us much. Add emotions, thoughts and feelings into the mix. The idea is to showcase your personality and make a connection on an emotional level.

Be positive:

Our bugbears say something about the type of person we are but keep them to a minimum in your profile or they’ll say something bad! Focus on the things that make you feel good and you’ll come across as a fun date.

Don’t dwell on past relationships:

Too much talk of past relationships is a sure way to scare off potential dates. It doesn’t show much commitment to moving along in life with someone new. However, some services touch on the subject in their profiles in which case you can give it a more interesting, positive twist by talking in general terms about lessons learned, where you are today and what your hopes are for future relationships.

Describe your ideal match in your own words:

If you have an opportunity to describe the type of person you’re looking to meet in your own words, use it. If someone reads your profile and likes you, they’ll know right away whether or not they’re a likely candidate for your affections. On the other hand, don’t be too picky or demanding! One idea is to limit yourself to the three or four attributes that you value most in a partner and perhaps one big turn off (you want to keep it positive overall).

Describe the kind of dates you enjoy:

Make it easy for people to ask you on a date by giving them an idea of the kind of dates you enjoy. For instance, "I like a relaxing atmosphere where you can chat and get to know someone," or, "Doing something new and exciting together is a great way to get to know someone."

Promote yourself as a great date:

When someone likes what they read in your profile, they’ll probably wonder what kind of date you’d make. In other words, you seem interesting and attractive but would you be the date from hell? Put this question to rest with upfront information that paints a great picture of what it would be like to date you. For instance, perhaps you’re a good listener who likes a quiet, relaxing atmosphere where you can talk and get to know someone, or a sociable energetic type who thinks that doing something new and exciting together is the best way to get to know someone.

When your admirers know you’re on the same page in terms of dating style, they’re more likely to take the next step and ask you out, or at least to get to know you better, confident you’ll be a great date. And if your dating styles are completely out of tune, at least you’ve avoided finding it out the hard way – on that date from hell.

Create a Master Profile:

Save all your profile information and entries in a master file so you don’t have to start from scratch if you’re planning on using more than one service. Profiles vary considerably from service to service but many parts will be similar.

Make changes:

Last but not least, don’t forget that your profile isn’t written in stone! It’s fast and easy to make any changes you like, so don’t fret too much about perfection!

Copyright 2004 Caroline Mackenzie

About the Author

Caroline Mackenzie is Co-Owner/Webmaster of The Dating Muse, a guide to online dating services and personals featuring reviews of the top online dating sites plus tips and ideas for finding friends, dates, soulmates and sexual adventure online. You can visit her site at http://DatingMuse.com and subscribe to her newsletter at http://datingmuse.com/subscribe.htm

However, after several years of having a steady date, you find yourself feeling eerie going back to dating. It’s like you’re clueless. You can’t recall what your first date like with your ex-partner (or you intend not to recall). And you really want to make it right this time.

At the midst of your apprehension, your friend calls you and excitedly announced to you that she got you a date. She talks nonstop about how gorgeous this guy is and went on to endless list of this guy’s achievement and best features. Meanwhile, your thoughts had drifted to your many anxieties on having your first date ever after a major break-up.

You are afraid that you might screw it up. That the guy may not be as good as your former. That you will be tongue-tied the entire time you are together. Perhaps, you may never have any thing to say to him. That you might become a lousy date. Or you are never really be prepared on going back to the dating game yet.

Don’t fret. You are not alone. Many have gone through the jitters too. And it is usual. Don’t be too hard on yourself by backing out just because you fell like you can’t make it. It’s just a matter of knowing what to avoid to make your date click.

Here are the EIGHT COMMANDMENTS OF DATING to the rescue.

1. Thou shall not be late

Do all the necessary preparations ahead of time. I suggest that a night before the big day, choose your outfit already. So, that you won’t hurry dressing up for your date. You don’t want your partner to see you wearing the wrong pair of earrings. Make sure that when your guy knocks on your door, you are all set. Cramming is one disaster risk factor. So, be careful not to cram. Having your date stand for 10 minutes on your day will not create a nice impression.

2. Thou shall not narrate break-up history on thy date

For God’s sake don’t do this. You are supposed to have fun and not sour grape over your most recent break-up. And besides, past is past, bury them all on the ground and start anew. Your date is suppose to be a new prospect, not a shock absorber. Your friends have that role already. Instead of dwelling in the past, know this new guy in front of you more. Ask him about his stuff like – what he does, his kind of sports, hobbies, interests and more until such time you arrive at your common interest. Little do you know, that you have been talking for three hours straight and enjoying every minute of it.

3. Thou shall not be tongue-tied

Don’t let your date ask you where your mouth is because you cannot think of anything to say. Or there’s something wrong with you because your answers are all monosyllables. Let him get to know you better. Tell him what you do on your work, on your free time, your favorite activities, sports and stuff. You can initiate a conversation to impress him more. Men want their women to be witty and sensible.

4. Thou shall not compare

The man in front of you is totally a different individual. It will be unfair to pattern him to your previous guy or make a note of comparison. What you should do is discover this new person in front of you and forget the past guy even his name if you wish to. Comparison as your standards will not put you anywhere. It will just make your date a disaster. And please, do not dare verbalize your notes of comparison with your date.

5. Thou shall not come in thy worst appearance

Hey, you are dating because you want to hook up with the right guy this time. So, you have to create a good impression. Don’t make your date run away from you because you look like you’ve come from another planet with your dress, haven’t taken a bath for days and smell like garbage. Be on your best attire. Look good and smell fresh. That way, you can captivate his attention the entire time you are together. And he’ll be proud of you as a date.

6. Thou shall not be silly

The worst thing you can be is looking silly. Do not talk things as if you’re a pro if in reality you are clueless. You would end up saying the wrong things that will confuse your date a lot. Look smart. If you happen to be unaware of what he’s saying about the sports hockey, ask him questions. He will even be amused because you are paying interest on what he is talking about.

7. Thou shall not be aloof

Guys will be uncomfortable if they notice that their date seems to be aloof with them. Remember, it is both your first time to see each other. So, he is equally nervous about your date. Don’t make him feel more nervous by being distant. Let him feel that you intend to enjoy the night with him. Be friendly enough to give him your sweet smile. Don’t give him a cold shoulder. If he feels that you welcome his presence, he’d be motivated to ask you for another date.

8. Thou shall not be nervous

Don’t worry too much on having a great date instead enjoy your date. If you feel nervous, you’re most likely to shake. It will be embarrassing if your date caught you holding a glass shaking. Don’t be over powered with his presence. Show him you can manage yourself well. Be confident. Look straight in his eyes when you answer his questions. Flash your best smile. Amuse him with your wits and looks. Guys love women who are empowered.

For more dating tips, links to great dating sites and free personals go to http://www.easy-dates.com

About the Author

Oscar E. Walter is the webmaster of http://www.easy-dates.com

Here are the top ten reasons to postpone physical intimacy.

1. STDs

Practice safe sex!

2. People regard sex differently.

It can mean committment, or recreation, or nothing at all, or the best cure there is for the pain of another break up -it varies. you will save yourself some grief if you get to know the other person well enough to find out what meaning the act has for them.

3. Regardless of what you think (intellectually), sex has powerful consequences and implications.

4. Sex puts your feelings ‘on speed,’ magnifying and distorting them.

"Reproduction" is a powerful drive from the reptilian brain which is interested in survival, and sends us the strongest messages we have to deal with. When encountering situations of sex (or threat), our brains pump out chemicals designed to stop us from thinking. Is that really where you want to be with someone you hardly know? At the crucial stage of getting to know someone, you won’t be clear-headed enough to make good decisions.

5. Sex releases bonding chemicals.

Do you want brain chemicals deciding to whom you become bonded? Stop, look and listen and you can save yourself the very real agony of breaking up with someone unsuitable that you’ve become attached to because of the sex.

6. Sex releases a stream of feel-good chemicals, particularly good for diffusing anxiety and negative states (including depression).

In some residential drug rehab programs, for instance, participants are separated by gender because program directors have found that otherwise they’ll just "fall in love," the feel-good chemicals take over, and rehab ends. In other words, it can be a show-stopper. A little ‘anxiety’ is not a bad idea when you’re getting to know a stranger, and contemplating a life partner. It’s a time when you should be thinking as well as feeling, and a time when there is work to be done.

7. Sex narrows options.

It can define the relationship prematurely, not letting in unfold naturally. It can become a substitute for the other forms of communication a developing relationship needs to sustain it. And, worst-case scenario, do you need the pressure of a pregnancy impinging on an important life decision? (Practice safe sex!) Some of the unhappiest people I know are those who felt they didn’t have a free choice in marrying the person they married.

8. Anticipation is a sort of tension, but it’s delicious.

Don’t deprive one another of that. You’ll appreciate something more if you have to wait for it. That’s human nature.

9. Engaging in sex too early implies a lack of restraint and lack of respect.

It is human nature to conclude from an early jump into the sack that the other person has no restraint and won’t be faithful, and also to doubt your own ability to hold to your standards where this person is concerned, i.e., they’ll ‘make you write bad checks.’ This is part of what’s meant by putting pressure on the relationship. Those conclusions may or may not be true, but why complicate an already complex issue?

10. Having sex too soon truncates an important period of fantasy and dreaming.

This is particularly important for men, who are said to "fall in love in the spaces." Men need the challenge and the work. Women … need to remember that most men decide immediately whether the woman is marriage-material or not, and if he considers you the latter, he’ll still have sex before he exits.

About the Author

(c) Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. Susan is the author of "Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women." She also trains and certifies EQ Coaches internationally. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for info on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Email for FREE EQ ezine.

If you can identify with these thoughts, don’t despair. Whilst it may be difficult for you to get a marriage proposal in such a short space of time, you may be able to get a date in time for Valentine’s Day. Here’s a few places for you to try and if you’ve tried them before try them again; men will be on the lookout at this time of year too so don’t be afraid to make yourself available:-

1. Take a good look around at work. Ok, so you’ve worked there for years and none of the single guys have appealed to you before but in desperate times its good to take a second look. Is the guy in accounts really so dull? Maybe he is ultra cool out of work and will have you giggling all night if you give him a chance.

2. Work off those extra pounds piled on at Christmas at the gym and eye up those hunky bodies. Start by taking in the view on the treadmill and then once you’ve spotted someone you like, ease your way over and ask if he would mind showing you how to use one of the exercise machines in exchange for an après-gym beverage.

3. If you don’t have a dog, borrow one and take it for a long walk. You’ll be amazed at the amount of guys walking their dogs who will say "hello" to a fellow dog walker.

4. Ask your attached friends to find out if any their boyfriend’s friends have recently become single and get them to arrange a casual get-together to introduce you.

5. Last but not least, join an online dating site and message every half-decent man available. By the time Valentine’s Day arrives, you’ll be inundated with offers and will have to donate the surplus bouquets of red roses to your local hospice because you’ve run out of vases!

Try one, if not all, of the above, and there’s a very good chance you won’t be spending Valentine’s Day alone!

About the Author

Alison Edwards writes articles for http://www.SnappyDates.com a UK based dating site. If you are stuck for ideas about your online profile, members of http://www.SnappyDates.com can write to Alison at Alison@SnappyDates.com for advice on how they can improve their profile.

Gender roles are changing and this is the basic concept that is generally holding many of us back from entering successful relationships. More and more people are remaining single for longer periods of time. Part of this is because we are finding it difficult to accept and understand the new gender roles of our mates, even if we, ourselves, are holding to those new standards.

The roles of women have gone through the most dramatic changes. They have changed more in the last two generations than in the last two millenniums. Due to mass media, urbanization and politics, women have achieved equality to men in education and the workplace and everywhere else you look. And thanks to the sexual revolution, we have freed our minds. Women are now able to support themselves and raise their own children without the help of a man, thus escaping the traditional role of "mother" and "wife". Our new found independence is something we fear giving back. The independent woman does not want to be controlled or told what to do. She will never again be the docile little lamb once sought after for marrying purposes.

This change in the lives of women in large cities has led to a second major change, this one in men. Men have moved from being the gruff, rugged males to becoming "metrosexual" (a term coined by gay journalist Mark Simpson). Men have started to take over some of the duties that women had always controlled. There are women working alongside these men in the office. And thanks to sexually homogenous advertising, the meterosexual has been created. This new male breed has matching ensembles for every occasion, never has a bad hair day, loves manicures and smells like roses. He has no problem shopping, attending the opera and buying new shoes. The metrosexual is completely in touch with his feminine side but there is just one thing: he is straight.

Suddenly, the roles that we are used to having our mates fill are no longer being filled. The metrosexual is now asking why he has to pay for every date, open doors and pick a woman up at her door since the women are now so independent and financially equal. Yet these men still secretly yearn for that woman who will do the housework and raise the children just like mom did. The independent woman has become too afraid to give back that independence she worked so hard for only to begin relying more on a man than herself. Why should she when the danger still lies of being tossed aside one day? Yet, in her heart, she also desires the manly man who will sweep her off of her feet and take away all of her problems, just like her daddy once did.

We have now entered what appears to be a never ending cycle that can only be broken by trust. The once praised nuclear family with the hard working father and stay at home mother is slowly dissipating. From now on, men and women will be taking on more equal roles in relationships and families. The question is: when will we become comfortable enough to let it happen?

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at the diva@advicediva.com. Please visit http://www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva.