|
|
|
|
Latest Articles
 |
All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There is the
initial dating and courtship and infatuation period. If the relationship
continues, it settles into a more stable time of building a history as a
couple. If children enter the picture, that is a new phase. Later, there is
another phase of being together as a mature couple with the wisdom of
experience.
We all know that it is possible to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual
intensity alive through the years, but we also know that many relationships
settle into a kind of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every
relationship has its ups and downs, but there are tools that can keep passion
perking right along. Here are 10 of them:
1. Be kind. I'm writing this on a cruise ship and it's
fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses, then turn around and share
a friendly smile with a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends for
granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of kindness goes a long way.
2. Be attentive. Paying attention to the details of life is
important. Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other. Put things away,
help each other with the small projects around the house. These things are the
currency of love.
3. Be gracious. Small surprises can create huge rewards in a
relationship. I think of it as the "Martha Stewart Effect". Taking a moment to
put on a clean shirt before dinner, or using the good china, or cutting a
flower from the garden and putting it on the table, are examples. All these
things add color, spice, and graciousness to our lives.
4. Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens. When it
happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park for an hour, order
Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality of life.
Allow for it.
5. Be honest. Tell the truth about your feelings, and do it
promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments and
fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitudes. Keeping secrets kills
passion.
6. Be funny! Life seems to have supply its own stress and
worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time to
tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do it often. The couple that
laughs together, often does other fun stuff together, too!
7. Be flexible. Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully, your
relationship will change and grow and mature with as you change. One of you
will change careers, the other will change religions. One will have an illness,
the other will make a mistake. Relationships either bend and flex with the
winds of life, or they break.
8. Be generous. I've saved the best for last. After a survey of
dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed up over and over began with
"give little gifts". Surprise each other with flowers, candy, a card, or other
gift. Do it often. Do it for no particular reason. Do it because you love each
other and thought it would be nice to show it with a gift.
9. Be available. The second of the "big 3" was "take time for
each other". Schedule time to walk and talk, go for drives in the country, go
to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples ranked time together as
the most critical component in keeping romance and passion alive.
10. Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps more than
sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents, of candles and
flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about making love, but mostly they
talked about back rubs and holding hands, and creating memories. They talked
about getting dressed up and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping.
They talked about being playful and finding their own way. You can do this!
Someone has said, "Life is what happens while you were making other plans."
Romance is about real life, not about dreams and fantasies of the perfect
partner, someday on a Pacific island. Romance and passion are about taking time
to enjoy the company of the person you love. Have fun. Do it today!
About the Author
© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. Dr. Philip E.
Humbert is a writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300
free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great
newsletter! It's all on his website at:
http://www.philiphumbert.com