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There are generally two types of mindset when it comes to the prospect of being
in a serious, loving relationship with someone. There are those who are quite
content being independent and single, they perceive a relationship as a bonus,
should someone special enter their life. They are quite self-sufficient and by
no means need to have a relationship. They, by and large, are open the idea,
should life bring them in that direction.
Then there are those who crave a relationship. They yearn for a relationship, to
such an extreme, that they make an unwise choice that leads to sadness,
dissatisfaction and broken hearts. The majority of the adult single population
fit into the later way of thinking. Desiring a loving, nurturing and safe
relationship, they do it: they settle.
Settling is entering into a relationship with a less than desirable mate for the
sake of escaping the single life. It is quite common and only inevitably leads
down a road of frustration. Caught up in the swirl of desperately trying to
find "the one" and the constant ticking of the clock reminding people that they
are getting older by the moment, can cause this to happen.
If one settles for a less than pleasing relationships out of the fear of being
single and the longing to be a couple, once the relationships falter, the
result will be a life full of heartaches. If choosing to remain in the
relationship, it will certainly lead to living a life that is not the one
truthfully desired. If a person has had a string of broken hearts or is very
unsatisfied in their relationship, looking at this from the standpoint of being
responsible for whom you choose to be with in a relationship, may bring new
perspective to the possibility of settling. If settling is occurring,
identifying this as the underlying problem, a person can take preventive
measures.
Let us look deeper into the reasons of why one settles. We are raised to believe
that the ideal life is one in which we fall in love, marry and then have
usually have children. Creating our own family and growing old with our soul
mate is instilled in our minds from a very young age. As we enter our late
teenage years and early twenties, we are usually weaving our way through
relationships, trying to decipher what type of person best fits our needs to
sustain a healthy and loving relationship. If a person does not find a truly
compatible mate, one that fulfills their emotional and physical needs, provides
love, understanding, concern and support through life's difficulties, it is at
this time that one may opt to settle.
There are several aspects involved when one settles. A person may not even
realize that they are indeed settling. Fed up with breakups and longing for a
stable relationship, a person may settle for a less than compatible
relationship. In the beginning of the relationship, this person will feel a
temporary relief from the difficulties of being single. With the stereotype of
being single in their past, they will enter a relationship full force. Ignoring
red flag warnings, and dismissing any subconscious doubts, this person will
remain in the relationship until it falls apart. The relationship may be
stormy, as a result of a false connection, or it may be a rather peaceful
relationship but lacking the strong and powerful love that one deserves.
Settling may bring temporary happiness, however the key word is temporary. When
a person is in a relationship that is not the ideal one for them, they are
choosing to close off the option of finding true love. This is not fair to the
either person in the relationship. We all desire love. We all desire for
someone to care for us above all else. We all desire the feeling of being safe
and secure in the arms of another. Setting does not produce those results.
If realizing that you are settling, ask yourself this: Do you wish to spend your
time in a relationship that is doomed or will bring you limited satisfaction?
If entering into one relationship after another with people that you know do
not possess the qualities that you are ultimately seeking, do you wish to
continue doing so, knowing it will lead to disappointment when the relationship
ends?
We all possess the capability to set reasonable expectations in a future mate.
Looking into our hearts, we know what type of person will fulfill our needs.
Remaining single and waiting to meet someone that will provide you with a truly
loving relationship is wise. You should be pleased that you are abiding to your
standards. Falsely believing that continuing to remain single is such a
dreadful choice, and settling is the option you choose, you will be losing the
prospect of truly enjoying your life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.
About the Author
Copyright 2006 Gary Caine
For more articles on love, dating, divorce and parenting visit Gary's 3 web
sites.
The Singles Cafe
Women's Home Page
Men's Home Page