|
|
|
|
Latest Articles
 |
Couples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful,
loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving
relationships are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful
relationships are not taking.
ACTION 1 - KINDNESS TO SELF AND OTHER
Think for a moment about how you go through your day. Are you focused on what
you don't like in yourself or your partner? Do you spend much of your thinking
time judging yourself or your partner? Or, do you make the spiritual attribute
of kindness to yourself and others, including your partner, your highest
priority?
People in successful relationships treat themselves and their partner with
kindness -- kind words, kind actions, kind looks, kind listening, and kind
thoughts. It is far more important to them to be kind than to try to control
their partner with anger, judgment, criticism, irritation, blame, resistance or
withdrawal.
ACTION 2 - PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR FEELINGS
People in loving relationships do not make their partner responsible for their
feelings. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated,
guilty, or shamed, they look within at their own thoughts and behavior that may
be causing their painful feelings. They do not see themselves as victims of
their partner's choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings
without dumping their upset on their partner. When they can't manage their own
feelings, they get the help they need rather than dump anger, blame, anxiety or
depression onto their partner.
ACTION 3 - ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY
People in successful relationships take responsibility for managing their time
and space in ways that work for themselves and their partner. They make sure
they have enough time with each other to talk, learn, resolve conflict, play
and make love. The make sure they have time with children, time for chores,
time for work and time for relaxation. They take care of their mutual living
spaces in ways that respect their partner's needs. If one partner tends to be
neat and the other messy, they both strive to make their living environment
pleasant for both of them rather than either of them complying, controlling, or
resisting. Because their highest priority is kindness to themselves and each
other, they are motivated to discover ways of living together that meets both
of their needs.
ACTION 4 - FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Successful couples make sure that they not only earn enough to support
themselves, but they learn how to manage their money in ways that do not create
stress for themselves or their partner. They decide mutually if both of them
will work or not. Partners in loving relationships do not unilaterally decide
to stop working and live off the other person. Nor does either partner make
unilateral financial decisions that have a negative effect on the other
partner.
In successful relationships, one partner does not spend money in such as way as
to create stress for the other person. Loving partners mutually decide on their
budget and then both of them stick to it.
ACTION 5 - HEALTH AND WELLBEING
When two people care deeply about themselves and each other, they strive to
take care of their physical health. Loving partners do not behave in ways that
cause their partner to fear for their wellbeing. They do not take unnecessary
risks, such as riding a motorcycle without a helmet, or participating in
activities that could harm their eyes without wearing goggles. They don't drink
and drive. They eat well, get enough exercise, and don't smoke. People in
loving relationships do not want their partner to suffer the grief of their
loss through premature illness, so they strive to take good care of themselves
partly out of caring for themselves, and partly out of caring for their
partner.
Once again successful relationships don't just happen. They are the result of
each person taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, and
spiritual responsibility within their relationship.
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books,
including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? and "Healing Your
Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE Inner Bonding
course: http://www.innerbonding.com
or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com.
Phone sessions available.