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In the beginning of a relationship, love seems to have a life of its own.
Without much effort, you feel like you are on top of the world. You catch
yourself smiling and laughing often, and feeling warm inside whenever you are
with your loved one. Everything and everyone suddenly appears better through
the rose-colored glasses of love. This euphoric feeling does not last forever,
however. After the first year of marriage, the day to day activities of being
married, working in a job, raising a family, buying and maintaining a home,
etc., all take their toll, and romance takes a back seat.
Love has to be worked on, just like a gardener with his garden. Although he has
planted the seeds, and expects the sun and rain to do most of the work, he
still has to pull the weeds out of the garden, to fertilize it, and water it if
there isn't enough rain. That is the same with a healthy, loving relationship.
When love becomes a high priority in a marriage, it is taken care of and
nurtured daily. The resulting love rewards you by growing into a more mature,
mellow, committed feeling, and when tested, rises up to meet the challenge. How
does one keep love alive in a marriage?
Make Time
You need to designate quality time with your loved one. Don't take it for
granted that he/she will always be there when you want them. Remember all those
dates you took when you were courting? Now, it's not so easy. There's usually
someone else making demands on him/her -- whether it's the children with their
homework, or the boss expecting you to work late hours, or even an elderly
parent that requires assistance. Also, it now might require finding a
baby-sitter, or juggling the time with another activity that might take
precedence. Whatever happens, make time for each other. Also, make time to hug
and/or kiss each other often. You'll be glad you did. The time you spend
together will re-energize you and make you feel good for the rest of the day.
If you can't get away, you can still set a date at home, after the children are
asleep. The important thing is to have fun together. Here are a few things you
can plan to do at home together:
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Physical intimacy -- might put some soft music in the background, maybe even
dance together.
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Pour a favorite drink, make an ice cream sundae, or grab some munchies, and
have fun talking with your loved one.
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Play a favorite board game or card game, anything that makes you enjoy
yourselves.
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Make popcorn and watch a favorite video.
This is not the time to solve life's problems or issues. If there are any
lurking issues in the background (and these may be keeping you from enjoying
yourself), then sometimes you just might have to talk about it first, get it
out in the open in a loving environment, then continue with your plans. Often,
positive energy is tied up within us when a problem or issue has not been
resolved.
Use these times to tell him/her how special they are to you (how intelligent,
how thoughtful, how loving, how caring, etc.).
What is Romance?
Romance is the opportunity to show your loved one how special he/she is to you.
It means taking the time for them, and making time, even if you don't have it.
It doesn't mean thinking only about yourself, or having only your needs met. It
means putting the other person first. Here are some ideas to spice up your
romance:
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Do small acts of kindness -- give him/her flowers, or a little gift, or write a
poem, etc.
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Say "Thank you" and "I Love You" often.
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Be considerate of his/her feelings, etc.
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Take long walks together -- anywhere.
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Share jokes at mealtime. Laughter is a great way to share one's love.
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Visit a museum, visit community festivals, tour a new site, or attend a lecture
together.
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Hug and kiss often.
If your spouse doesn't do things for you, then show him/her by gently pointing
out what you like. If you like flowers for your birthday, and you haven't
gotten flowers, then let them know, particularly when he/she asks you what you
would like. Don't think they can read your mind, let them know.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Over time, we learn how to read our spouse. Their behavior, their actions, are
important clues that alert us to how they are feeling. Often, we think we know
what they are thinking, and we become sloppy, and don't talk about it, or they
don't bring it up.
For example, if he had a bad day at the office, and comes home snapping at the
children and being tense, the last thing to do is to take it personally. Invite
him to relax, as dinner is prepared, then after he's eaten, ask him how his day
was. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, and you will learn what
happened. You need to be a responsive listener, and not criticize your spouse,
for he will surely clam up. The last thing he wants to hear is criticism.
Other signs that can bring on a spouse's anger/tenseness:
Hunger: If your spouse hasn't eaten for awhile, not only their stomach growls,
but they growl also. Keep your husband well fed (but not overfed)
Criticism: Try and avoid criticizing your partner. If there is something
bothering you, then voice it in a way that you don't point fingers or blame
him/her. Try not to keep distance between you. Communicate your feelings, how
his/her action affected you, and how you were hurt by that action. Never, ever
criticize your spouse in public. An apology is forthcoming, no matter how right
you thought you were.
Tiredness: If your husband has been working all day, and you ask him to do a
bunch of chores when he gets home, don't expect him to thank you. See if you
can spread the chores out, so they include the weekend. Planning ahead helps
here.
Take Care of Your Body
Although you may not look like you did when you were dating years ago, you can
take measures to look just as good if not better.
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Physical wellbeing - make sure you stay in shape, eat the right foods, and
dress nicely. All these actions not only get more compliments your way, they
make you feel good about yourself, so that you can be more confident in
yourself.
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Spiritual wellbeing -- don't neglect this powerful aspect of life. Pray, go to
church, believe. Studies have shown that families that pray together, stay
together.
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Mental wellbeing -- if you are a stay-at-home mother, find some good books to
read, or read the newspaper or magazines. This will allow you to keep abreast
with interesting topics, and will provide your spouse an interesting partner to
discuss life issues with.
Don't Substitute
Don't substitute anyone or anything else for your loved one. Don't go to a
coworker or a friend, and share intimate secrets, because you may be betraying
your loved one's trust. Don't watch television or be on the computer all the
time, when you could be spending quality time with your loved one. Don't spend
all your time with the children, ignoring your spouse, because your husband or
wife should be number one on the list. If people, organizations, or children
clamor for your attention, put your spouse first, and then them. When you put
your spouse first, you'll notice you won't need to be going to all these other
people for emotional support. You'll also notice you'll be having more fun with
the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. Don't underestimate the
importance of love in a marriage. Cherish and nurture it, and you will have
made the best investment in your life.
About The Author
Patty Apostolides is author of Lipsi's Daughter. She has also published poetry
and written several articles. Her website showcases her work:
http://www.geocities.com/10500bc/index.html
Liendou@Writing.com
Reprinted from ArticleCity.com