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If you're single, you've probably gone to a singles bar at some point in your
life, hoping to make a love connection. But what determines whether tonight
will be your lucky night? Chance? Kismet? Maybe. But most times it has more to
do with skill than luck.
After hundreds of hours in bars, pubs and nightclubs--watching thousands of
singles in action--I've unlocked the little-known secrets of finding romance at
your favorite watering hole. In fact, my research was so successful, that I'm
now able to walk into any bar, and within minutes, I can tell who is going to
get lucky ... and who is going home empty handed. Because let's face it,
there's nothing better than the intoxicating butterflies that flutter in your
stomach when your new love interest gives you that "morning after" phone call.
Catching those butterflies isn't as hard as it seems. Whether you're trying to
enhance your dating life or meet the sweetheart of your dreams, there's an art
to scoring big at a bar. And believe it or not, you don't have to be
ravishingly beautiful to get lucky. You just need to know how to play the game
so you come out ahead.
Yes, you read that right. Dating is a game. Just like chess, scoring big in a
bar takes a winning strategy. Here's an easy eight-step process that'll help
you score big in the love department. Because let's face it, if you want the
Monarch's to be dancing in your belly tomorrow morning, you need to learn how
to play the dating game pronto, before someone else beats you to the prize.
1. Look Your Best.
If you think about it, singles bars are called "meat markets" for a reason.
You're the "meat" and you have to display your wares to make "shoppers" want to
buy. Grunge might be comfortable, but after age 25, the frumpy look won't get
you to first base.
Men, wearing a sports coat will give you a competitive advantage. Why? Because
women like men who look successful and confident. By sporting a classier look
than your brethren, you'll come out on top. Women, I have three words for you:
show some skin. Don't even think about wearing a turtleneck to a bar.
Let's face it, after 30, very few of us have the hard-bodied figures we once
did, but that doesn't mean you need to hide your assets. Even if you're a
little plump, it's better to show your skin than to hide behind a bolt of
frumpy fabric.
2. Limit Your Alcohol.
Although a drink or two can lower your inhibitions, drinking too much will send
the wrong impression. And falling off the barstool is a definite no-no. If you
tend to drink more when you're nervous, try alternating between your favorite
drink and a club soda with lime. No one has to know that there's nothing
stronger than carbonation in your drink!
3. Exude Confidence.
Self-confidence is crucial if you want to be lucky in love. If you have a
swagger in your walk, and a cocky tilt to your chin, your Rolodex will bulge
with prospects. So how do you exude confidence when you're trembling inside?
There are two strategies that work well. First, fake it 'til you make it! Yes,
that's right, just pretend to have confidence, and amazingly, others will
perceive you as self-confident. And then pretty soon, that confidence will be
real.
Second, deal from strength. After all, you're probably the best at something.
Maybe you're the smartest person in the room. Or maybe you know you can beat
just about anyone at Backgammon. Or maybe you can solve complicated algorithms
in your head. Maybe you're a true native in a town of transplants. Whatever
you're good at, borrow that confidence, and when you walk into a bar, hold your
head high knowing there's no one else quite like you.
4. Cross the Great Divide.
Amazingly, I see both men and women who go to a bar or singles party in the
hopes of meeting someone new, but then they spend the entire evening either by
themselves or talking to the same-sex person they came with.
Newsflash: if you go to the trouble of being showered, shaved and cologned, you
might as well take action. An important step in meeting someone new is actually
saying hello. Instead of thinking, "I wish that person would come up and talk
to me," take the initiative and be the one who breaks the ice.
Something as simple as a smile and a hello will work just fine. Just let your
feet do the walking, and break that invisible barrier between you and the
person you want to meet. After all, you can't meet someone new if you don't
even try. Just keep in mind that dating is a numbers game, and you may need to
chat with more than one person before you make a love connection.
5. Be Friendly.
A sparkling personality is worth its weight in--well--drinks. If you're
naturally effervescent, keep it up, and it won't be long before love finds you.
If you're not, it just takes a bit more work.
It helps to look good and feel great. Then keep a smile on your face and focus
on other people. One key to being a great conversationalist is to ask
interesting questions. Things like, "What do you do for a living?" And "Where
are you from?" will spark other questions or things you have in common.
Another way to score points in the friendly category is to be up on current
events. This doesn't mean you have to be a news junkie, but it helps to be
abreast of current topics. With 24-hour news stations and breaking news on the
Internet, it shouldn't take long to become well-versed in the topics du jour.
Oh, one note of caution: unless someone's political affiliation is a
deal-breaker for you, stay away from politics and religion.
6. Men, Whip Out Your Wallet.
"Can I buy you a drink?" is a sure sign of interest. Being too cheap to ask
will get you a cold shoulder, followed by a cold shower ... alone.
This is where you need to walk a fine line. There are certainly women out there
who want free drinks--and nothing else. So how can you tell the difference
between a woman who is using you to get free drinks, and someone who is really
interested?
By reading her body language. Is she looking directly at you, with dilated
pupils and unblinking eyes, or is she looking somewhere else? Is she leaning
into you, or is she pulling away from you? (For the entire scoop on body
language, see Chapter 3 in Dating 101.)
If her body language is positive, ask her if she'd like something to drink.
Then, while you're sharing your first drink together, exchange business cards.
If she doesn't have a card (or doesn't want to give you one), ask for a way to
contact her. If she's hesitant to give an email address or cell phone number,
chances are good that she has no intention of seeing you again, so put your
wallet away and move on.
If she readily gives you a way to contact her, you'll score more points by
being generous than by being frugal. And if you really want to score big, offer
to call her a cab at the end of the evening, just to make sure she gets home
okay.
7. Be Honest.
If you're not interested in someone, it's better to make a graceful exit that
to waste that person's time. Something as simple as, "I've enjoyed talking to
you, but it's time for me to go mingle," lets the other person know that there
you're not seeing stars.
Honesty is always the best policy, because if you say you're going to the
bathroom and then never come back, you might end up with a stalker on your
hands. If you're the person being dumped, be gracious about it. Just because
someone's not interested in you right now, doesn't mean things won't change at
some point in the future.
Because most of us tend to frequent the same places, chances are good that you
may see that person again. Keep in mind that if you get angry and say something
mean, you'll never make it past "hello" next time, so it pays to be nice.
8. Have Fun.
Instead of putting unnecessary pressure on your big night out, give yourself a
break. After all, tonight is only one night out of your life. Instead of having
unrealistic expectations, grab a same-sex friend, and plan on having a good
time. Without the pressure of having to find someone in five hours or less,
you're more likely to enjoy yourself.
Plus, when you're laughing, talking and smiling, you're more approachable than
when you're nervous or tense. After all, wouldn't you rather chat with someone
who's laughing than someone who's sitting in the corner alone, looking
desperate and lonely?
Now that you know the eight easy steps to scoring big in a bar, get out there
and do it. The first step toward winning the game is actually going out there
and playing it. And just like any other game, this one takes practice. So if
you don't meet someone tonight, remember this ... there's always tomorrow!
About the Author
Melissa Darnay is a dating coach, a matchmaker, and a relationship humorist. For
more information about Melissa or her latest book, "Dating 101: The Instant
Cure for Romance Blues," go to
www.CupidsGuide.com.
Cupid@CupidsGuide.com
Reprinted from ArticleCity.com