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Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a
life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable
feelings can come over both people that will never be forgotten by either of
them. The person who actually had the extramarital affair can have feelings of
guilt, loneliness, confusion and misdirection along with many other feelings.
The 'partner' who did not have the extramarital affair can have these feelings
as well, but the lack of confidence that can come as a result of the other
person having an extramarital affair can be one of the toughest parts to deal
with.
The feelings that come as a result of one or both parties having an
extramarital affair are natural but can also be extensions of something much
deeper. Of course, if someone has an extramarital affair, both people in that
marriage will have feelings that will be "surface level" only at first.
Arguments can occur, denial may set in, and/or tempers can flare due to the
extramarital affair. While these things are only natural and to be expected, if
your going to actually survive an extramarital affair, you must look at the
deeper issues and get down to the real cause of the affair and what to do about
it.
People in marriages don't often look at having extramarital affairs lightly,
and they realize most times what affects their actions will have on their
marriage. If someone has an extramarital affair and doesn't think that it will
have an affect on their marriage, surely they are either in denial or their
definition of marriage leans strongly towards the "open" side. For the rest of
the married crowd who don't subscribe to an "open" marriage and who have to
deal with an extramarital affair, things can get a bit more complex.
Complexity can be interesting no doubt, but it can also add to the confusion of
someone having an extramarital affair, especially if the couple or one party in
that couple wants to look deeper at the situation and figure out two very
important things:
1. Why did the extramarital affair happen?
2. Does the fact that there was an extramarital affair in the marriage really
warrant getting a divorce when both people agree upon the reason that the
extramarital affair happened in the first place?
If the couple really wants to save their marriage in spite of the extramarital
affair, then finding out why the extramarital affair happened and agreeing on
that reason is the first step in the healing process. If you are currently
trying to save your marriage and one of you had an extramarital affair, try to
limit your pain that you feel and talk things out with your spouse so you can
clearly define and agree upon exactly why the extramarital affair took place.
If you cannot do this, chances are you will never get over the extramarital
affair and your marriage most likely won't survive...or at least you won't have
a healthy marriage after the extramarital affair.
After you have defined and agreed upon the reason that the extramarital affair
took place, you must decide whether that reasons (or reasons) warrant actually
going through a painful divorce. At this point you have 2 choices...either
decide in your own or decide with your spouse. The latter is optimal for a
variety of reasons but the main reason is that you may actually save your
marriage if you decide together. Deciding together whether the real reason an
extramarital affair took place indicates that you're both really reaching out
for something, something you most likely didn't have prior to the extramarital
affair...togetherness.
So, should you get a divorce just because one of you had an extramarital
affair?
No, not necessarily. Depending on how collaborative you can be with your
spouse, how 'detective-like' you can act, and how much soul searching you can
do, you may just become stronger together because of an extramarital affair. It
may sound odd, but that's the truth. Of course, it is entirely possible (and
probable) that if you both don't define and agree on why the extramarital
affair took place and work to address that reason or reasons, your marriage
won't ever be healthy again and you'll never be able to healthily survive the
extramarital affair.
About the Author
Karl Augustine Author, "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce". *A resource recommended by marriage counselors to their clients.
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/extramarital-affair.htm
Reprinted from ArticleCity.com