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According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report
of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in
divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans
express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans
believe marriage is a life long commitment. I imagine that there are somewhat
similar statistics worldwide.
With these kinds of statistics, its easy to see how complex it can be when
people think they want a divorce, they have difficulty identifying how a truly
viable divorce reason might be defined. Wanting happiness through marriage and
wrestling with what may seem an inevitable outcome (a divorce), can be
emotionally and mentally challenging. After all, it is human nature to want to
feel nurtured and secure, no matter where you live!
So, if you're thinking about getting a divorce, what are truly viable reasons
for actually getting a divorce?
Each government has different laws defining the difference between 'fault' and
'no-fault' divorce reasons that have enough merit that allow for the divorce to
be granted. While it makes sense for you to keep this in mind when deciding
whether or not to get a divorce because there may be financial considerations
to think of, you should first focus on defining your own emotional or
"personal" divorce reasons, regardless of what the local governing body says.
If you ask 100 people how they define viable reasons for wanting a divorce,
you'll most likely get 100 different answers because they'll answer you from
their perspective, not yours. Sure, there may be similarities to the way you
feel in some of those answers about 'real' divorce reasons, you may even agree
with some. But, the real answers to this question can only come from you. You
have to figure out what reason or reasons would be viable in your mind in order
to actually go through your decision about getting a divorce or staying
married.
Some reasons that people give for getting a divorce, or wanting a divorce, are
purely selfish and have no substance. An example of a reason for wanting a
divorce that has no substance is not liking the fact that your spouse has
constant unfounded jealousy. There is a deeper problem that exists here, and in
the case of this example, it could be that the spouse who constantly feels
jealousy has a confidence problem or some sort of 'fear of loss'. Whatever the
case, the divorce reason in this example clearly isn't viable and should
relatively easy to fix.
Often times when people give 'surface' or flimsy reasons for wanting a divorce,
they really have much deeper feelings about something and they're just using
the shallow divorce reason as an avoidance of some kind. Or, they give these
'foundation-less' reasons for wanting a divorce because they actually aren't
aware that there are other deeper rooted reasons that are the cause of the way
they feel now.
Common reasons that cause people to think about or want to get a divorce:
-
Couple has conflicting personal beliefs
-
Couples marital satisfaction decreases
-
Desertion
-
Adultery
-
Cruel treatment
-
Bigamy
-
Imprisonment
-
Spousal Indignities
-
Institutionalization
-
Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind
Of course, you should add your own reasons to the list for wanting a divorce,
better yet, make your own list. Solid divorce reasons for wanting or going
through a divorce usually come from some sort of occurrence, behavioral
pattern, and/or change in the viewpoint of the marriage itself.
In order to really make a smart decision, you should first list the reasons
that you have for wanting a divorce, then examine those divorce reasons for
true viability. Then come back to it that list in a day or so. Chances are you
will be able to scratch a few of those reasons for wanting a divorce off the
list because they were identified purely from an emotional viewpoint rather
than logic.
If you are thinking about getting a divorce, and haven't clearly identified what
reasons you have for feeling the way you do, you'll be doing yourself a
'dis-service' if you act without carefully examining the viability each
designated divorce reason. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting a
divorce, make sure that you are certain that your reasons are truthfully viable
to you before you act on them.
About the Author
Karl Augustine Author, "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce". *A resource recommended by marriage counselors to their clients.
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/divorceadvice.htm
Reprinted from ArticleCity.com