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Along with any tough decision comes reluctance,
especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially
involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or
stay married can be a frightening time for most people, even if they know deep
inside themselves that they have to actually make a decision, one way or
another.
People are reluctant to embark on an 'emotionally driven' decision making
process because they fear that it will be uncomfortable or painful for them.
The irony here is obvious...if they need to make this decision, their life or a
portion if it, is already uncomfortable. One thing is for certain, deciding
whether to get a divorce or stay married is indeed a process.
This process, like any other, includes key elements...elements that need to be
examined. The elements of this process are self-revealing and can only come
from within the person making the decision. The decision making process is
comprised of stages and viewpoints about those stages. Stages are smaller
pieces of the overall process and the viewpoints of each of those stages are
only defined by the person making the decision. If you're trying to decide
whether or not you should get a divorce or stay married, you must look at the
stage of life you are currently in, and understand how you feel about it by
clearly defining your viewpoint about it.
Are you completely unhappy?
Relatively unhappy?
Partially unhappy?
Do you feel that your marriage is unhealthy enough that you intend to do
something about it?
Etc.
You can look back in the past and reflect on other stages of your life and
examine how you felt about those stages if they contributed to your problem as
you view it now. Reflecting on the past can be an effective way to identify key
occurrences that may have shaped the way your viewpoint is currently.
Reflecting also can help you to identify trends in behavior that may have
contributed to your viewpoint. But in the end, the viewpoint and stage that
matters most is the current one and that's the one that you need to define and
assess most.
It is human tendency to reflect on the past and hold onto thoughts and feelings
that were once good, but doing this might keep you in a stale mate if you dwell
on the past too much. You have to look at the present time and actually "decide
to decide" so to speak. Once you do realize that you need to decide whether or
not to get a divorce, there will be things that will creep up that will
actually keep you from taking action and deciding.
Here are 5 reasons you might not be deciding to take action when it comes to
deciding whether you should get a divorce or stay married:
1. You know that the severity of divorce is something not to be taken lightly
so you avoid that "potential" outcome by doing nothing.
I assure you, if you realize that divorce is serious, you're ahead of the game
because it means that you will do what it takes to change your situation!
2. You haven't decided to take action because you think you actually do want a
divorce, and you think that divorce can create emotional scars that take a long
time to heal.
3. You know that, whatever the outcome, you're really not ready to face a
potentially painful end result, so you avoid the situation all together.
4. You are just flat out scared to make a decision about divorce because you
know that making this difficult decision will involve profound change and deep
"self-examination". And, like most of us, you want to avoid the pain and
discomfort that goes with that.
5. You just don't know where to start because you are confused due to the
emotional complexities of the situation. You really don't know how you feel.
All are these are valid points, but they are really just excuses to do nothing.
And, if you do nothing, the problem will still remain. And that problem is
"indecision".
You haven't committed to decide. If any of these things are keeping you from
making a decision about whether to stay married, you're doing more harm to
yourself than good. In fact, by doing nothing, you are only compounding your
problem. You are contributing to your own unhappiness by not taking action and
that is just flat out unhealthy!
The first stage to going through the process of deciding whether or not to get a
divorce, is to overcome your fear of the potential outcome and embrace this
'emotionally driven' process. Defining your fears and identifying why you
aren't making the decision, or at least starting the decision making process
about getting a divorce or staying married, is the only way you will be able to
reach your ultimate goal...making a final decision to either get divorced or
try to work it out.
About the Author
Karl Augustine Author, "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce". *A resource recommended by marriage counselors to their clients.
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/reasons-decide-divorce.htm
Reprinted from ArticleCity.com