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Most of us have different levels of confidence. I'm sure you have met a variety
of confident types. I'm just as sure, that all of us have had our own
confidence shaken once or twice. I know I have.
In relationships most of us have different degrees of confidence. There were
times I felt like I could do no wrong and other times I couldn't do anything
right. The ups and downs of relationships are still a mystery to me. I don't
have all the answers, but most of us have in common some the same feelings: the
hope when you see someone you can't take your eyes off of; the anticipation of
being on a first date; the moment when you kiss; the bliss of love; and also:
the slap when someone says no; the hopelessness when someone walks away, the
emptiness when someone you love cheats on you and so on. We all have been
their.
What happens when the worse has happen to you. I can give you a glimpse of the
male's perspective. You are in love. She is everything you could want. She's
beautiful, sexy, and makes you feel alive. You can't wait to be with her or
near her. You are on top of the world and life couldn't be better. Then she
walks away. No amount of begging will bring her back. The signs of her leaving
were probably there, but you were too in love to see them. You cry, you drink,
cry some more and the emptiness won't go away. You are lost.
Then there is the guy who drinks a case a beer, cries for a night, says the
hell with it then parties the next night. This over exuberant soul creates such
a whirlwind he leaves himself no time to grieve or to contemplate his state of
loss. When he crashes, his recovery is usually a tough road.
For me, the old adage that time heals, had value. I had no desire to go
clubbing. I was lonely, still grieving and didn't have the confidence to get
back in to the dating world again. As time went on, I found a comfortable, yet
boring routine. I wanted to date again, but the thought of it would give me
flashbacks of unpleasant moments. Sigh, loneliness was becoming my friend.
Online dating was something I heard about and decided to check it out. I was
tired of watching reruns on TV. It didn't take long to search out the many
dating sites available on the net. I searched, researched, and joined. I was
slowly and comfortably getting involved again. I could sit at home in my
sweats, converse with ladies online, and not have to face a crowd in a smoky
bar room if a lady said "no". Yet, the no's were rare online. This was not a
face to face ritual, but me on my keyboard and her on her keyboard that gave us
both the needed space to get acquainted. It was fun, relaxing and a confidence
booster. Yes, I'll say it again, a confidence booster.
How can online dating boost your confidence versus traditional dating? It has
to do with vulnerability. Think about it. If you just lost your confidence,
would you rather face a lady in a crowd of others, or at home while using MSN
chat or email. After a huge letdown, most of us struggle with the thought of
going out in the harsh dating world were appearance is premium versus the power
of words and feelings you converse online. Whatever your state of mind may be
at that moment, you can find another person online feeling as you do. That's
hard to find in a smoky bar room under the influence of alcohol.
Eventually my confidence did return to an adequate level to venture out to the
dance clubs. I had online dating to thank for that. For a while, I was playing
in both worlds and saw some stark difference in what was real and what was not.
Both have their pitfalls, but eventually I realized that the typical dating
world had many more masks and traps that was not present in the online world.
That's another article. For now, I just want to say if you have lost your
confidence because of a relationship disaster, give your self time to heal and
see if you can find yourself again by joining a good online dating site. I
guarantee you will find your confidence again and if you are lucky, like me,
you will find the love of your love.
About the Author
Steve Eyes is a webmaster for FilipinaEyes Association and gains his insight
from his online dating experience and helping others find love on one of his
online dating web sites:
http://www.filipinaeyes.com,
http://www.filipinalady.biz,
http://www.filipina-lady.org,
http://www.filipina-lady.net
Reprinted from ArticleCity.com