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There are some very important questions that can give you a clear christian
dating perspective and broaden your viewpoint on dating if you are an adult or
teen who's considering dating. Or if you are a parent who's considering letting
your teen date.
And although this article is strictly focused on love and dating advice for
teens it is beneficial to people of all ages.
So I urge you to read on because I believe this understanding can help you make
a more thorough choice on the matter. Since dating can sometimes be taken
lightly this article offers you a serious christian dating perspective
concerning the affects dating could have on anyone's life. Whether you're an
adult or a teen.
So let's begin with the essentials. Question asking. The essentials focus on
both parties. The teen and the parent. Some of the questions apply to teens and
other questions apply to parents.
These questions are questions that many of us overlook and take for granted
everyday. But they have such worth that they should be treasured like gold. So
vital that they can often make the difference between whether your teenage son
or daughter makes bad life altering mistakes or good choices.
These mistakes materialize in many different ways. To name a few: your teen does
not know how to hold a meaningful relationship that is not based on sex. Your
teen becomes a mother or father at an early age. Your teen becomes infected
with an STD. Your teen has an abortion.
Having been a teen that fortunately avoided a life of tragedy and seeing how
teens are today and thinking of my own unborn children and the consequences
that they face, I see that these types of questions are not a choice but a
must. Everyone suffers simply because a set of questions are not brought to the
surface and the proper type of action is not taken.
Parents let their children date without knowing why they allow it. And teens
date without having an important enough reason to do so.
So, I strongly urge parents and teens to sit down together and talk about
dating. And most importantly I urge you to talk about the "why" behind dating.
If you are a parent of a teen who wants to date the first set of questions you
should ask yourself are...
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Why should I allow my teen to date?
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What do I think my teenage daughter or son will get out of dating?
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Is what they get out of dating benign or malignant?
-
Just like cancer dating is not always good...
There are many bad things about dating that are ignored by the world on a daily
basis. You hear about the good results some people have but there are tons of
bad results that go unmentioned by thousands of people.
And if the bad results are mentioned a lot of people do not seem to recognize
that dating is part of the cause.
An established stereotypical rule that many parent's probably often still go by
is that they will let their teens date once they reach a certain age. Once the
teen reaches this age they set a curfew, they meet with the young man taking
their daughter out for the night, and once they've established that he lives up
to their standards they allow the two time together alone.
This all sounds very well organized. But I believe a deeper understanding behind
this ritual may reveal it to be very unwise under most conditions.
What I've mentioned so far can be interpreted that parents should not trust
their children. Which is not entirely true. It is a trust issue but it is not
about whether you trust your children or not. It's about giving them privileges
that they may not be capable of handling at the time.
It is a common fact that if you give someone more than what they can handle they
will not handle it properly simply because it is too much or they do not know
how.
And it is also about whether or not what you give them is proper in context to
begin with. For example, if what you give them is wrong to begin with how can
they be expected to handle it properly unless they walk away from it?
As I've mentioned in my "Christian Courtship Dating" articlea-- lot of people do
not date with marriage in mind. Keeping this in mind it brings up very
important questions that you should ask yourself...
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Why does my teen want to date?
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What is the purpose behind my teen's wishes to date this specific person?
-
What do they get out of dating that is so vital or essential?
An obvious reason for dating someone when you're a teen is that you like the
person you are interested in dating, and of course there's nothing wrong with
liking a person. But the importance lies with how much your teen likes this
person. And in what way.
This leads to more questions...
-
Does my teen like this person in a sexually immoral way?
-
Or does he like her with the sincere heart of a husband to a wife? o Does he
plan to marry this person?
When you ask your teen these questions the first response might be, "No way, I'm
too young to get married!" Then the next question you might want to ask
yourself is, "Then why should I allow my son or daughter to date if God's
purpose between a man and a woman is marriage and my teen doesn't have this in
mind right now?"
An important result is finding out on what level your teen likes this person.
The point is not to that they are too young to marry. It is whether or not they
are interested in someone they see themselves possibly marrying when they get
older. It is also about whether or not they are willing to spend time getting
to know this other person the right way. And it is about whether they are
sincere at heart.
So if that is not the case, you may have to ask yourself why giving them the
privilege is necessary until they do develop in this area.
Most teenagers are prepared to date but they are not prepared to court...
Many teenagers will not have any intentions of marrying the person that they
want to date. As we all know infatuation is easily confused for love. But on
some occasions it can bloom into love. But the main thing you need to be
concerned with is their intentions.
Don't allow them to do anything you do not feel they are ready for. If you are
not sure, ask God to give you the answer. These choices make all of the
difference concerning their future.
Just like a parent would not let a child ride a bike until they were old enough
to start learning I believe dating should be seen the same way. People are
better off staying out of relationships until they are spiritually old enough
to handle it correctly.
Having thought about that the next question you may want to consider asking
yourself is...
-
What do I think dating has to offer my teen?
This may sound like a reiteration of several questions that were already brought
to your attention, but it actually has a distinct difference from the previous
questions.
The difference is that dating has a plural tense attached to it. It comes with
the phrase "frequently."
Those who date often go through "many partners" in the process of trying to find
the one that God has in store for them. My guess is this has to do with the
under-developed nature of each individual to begin with. Some people simply do
not want to grow before they find the special person intended for them. They
lean on the fact that the special someone will solve most, if not all, of their
problems.
And under these conditions a person is often desparate to mate or find love
similar to how someone needs money and wants to get rich quick plays the
lottery.
Under the microscrope dating is like gambling. The pretense is different but
the overall reasoning has a common thread:
-
Those who date often lack trust in God's plan so they start living under their
own objective.
-
Those who date often keep gambling until they luck up on a winner.
-
Those who date at some point or another witness a loosing streak.
Having said that you should understand what's at stake when you let your teen
date.
Just like the lottery, thousands of people play the game of love everyday, but
how many people do you know who gamble that actually win?
And how many people do you know that lose? The losers exceed the winners every
time.
Do you really want your teen playing a game that so many people lose and get
hurt by?
The thing about gambling is that it looks harmless at first. But those who play
it already have a distorted vision and are often not ready for the rewards they
reap.
To clarify, how many gamblers do you know that actually do right with their
money once they've received it? They can't even do right with their money
beforehand so what makes them capable afterward?
In the same respect, how many teens do you think will do right with their dating
privilege once they have it?
It is not to say that teens are out to do wrong. No, I believe there are still a
great many teens that seek ways to do right, they are just simply given a
privilege that they do not know how to use and one that is not right to begin
with.
Dating is a premature solution to what should be a long awaited outcome of
courtship. A long awaited outcome of a match made by God.
It often entices people that are not ready for what they want. That cannot even
offer the elements of what it takes to do things properly. In paradoxy dating
often attracts those who cannot live up to the standards of what it takes to
create a good relationship with a partner. It often attracts those who want a
relationship but do not understand what it takes to have one.
Those who date usually are inspired to date because of fairy tale thoughts of
what romance and love is. This is often the female ideal. On the other hand
male ideals seem revolved around sexual advantage.
Although both parties have a small part of the picture in mind the important
parts of a God-given male-female relationship or marriage are overlooked.
Dating is often the solution for those who can't relax with the idea of waiting
for the right time and right stage in their life to be with that one special
person.
Dating is in a constant state of hurry. It is the perfection of love-impatience.
It is the perfect plan for those who are too afraid to turn their back on love
or sexual pleasure and let God do the work. It is perfect for those who do not
want to preoccupy themselves with anything else other than meeting their
soulmate or sex partner.
And it is perfect for those who are looking for love to fix other problems in
their lives by shifting the imbalance via compensation.
This of course sounds very brutal. But this is not to say loneliness and wanting
to be in love are not understood. No, it is to say that God can do much better
with pairing us up than we ourselves can do.
One very vital reason for letting God do the work instead of doing the work
yourself is because often when we pair ourselves up the major flaws that sever
a relationship are still present. Yes, the strong urge to connect and be with
someone is there but so are the major dysfunctions that could disconnect and
separate us from the very person we had the connection with.
Those major flaws, as well, often distort our vision and with distorted vision
we mistakenly pair ourselves up with a person that was never meant for us. Or
we prematurely pair ourselves up with the right person and create an
unnecessary relationship-catastrophe.
Often you'll notice children and teens may ask about sex.
But what you may not notice is that they rarely ask about marriage.
I remember as a teenager I thought both sex and marriage were the same.
So an important thing you should realize is that when your child is asking you
about sex, they may also be asking you about marriage without knowing it.
But whether or not they are they should not be educated about sex without the
presence of marriage unless it is to give them an understanding of sex with and
without marriage as a side by side comparison.
I remember being taught sex education in schools, but one important ingredient
that I remember not hearing about was marriage.
So, the best thing you can do is teach your kids about marriage that involves
sexual intimacy. Teach your children about marriage as the foreground with
sexual intimacy as the background. Rather than the other way around.
This is very important because just about everyone learns about sex but few
people understand the definition of a good marriage.
Teach your teens about courtship rather than dating and about marriage rather
than sex.
Dating disassociates itself with God and lowers the standards of what it means
to have a beautiful and powerful relationship with one person. Just as sex can
degrade the power of a relationship with one person when used improperly.
Teens want to date because they are not educated on the beauty of its
alternative. Courtship.
And teens want to abuse sexual relations because they are not educated enough on
its alternative. Marriage with the benefit of making love.
Of course all teens will not choose to court or marry, but like so many of us of
know, often mistakes are made because we are not educated on better
alternatives.
Not all teens will choose the right path but many can be prevented from choosing
the wrong one.
About the Author
Tameka Norris helps others simplify life's little complications by revealing the
small things that is often overlooked:
http://www.simple-living-tips.com/simplify. More articles by
Tameka Norris can be found at
http://www.valuablecontent.com